Holy crap! I don’t know what drugs this blogging tool is taking, but cut your dosage in half. Nice shtick, poseur, but you would already be dead if you said any of this stuff out loud to actual people.

1) If you were a regular reader of my work, and the fact that you’re not indicts you in so many ways, you would know exactly what I’m on. To refresh memories, that would be Cymbalta, Seroquel, Xanax, and K-Dawgs. I not only have admitted it, I’ve done extended columns on it. Readers in Wrestling still remember the column I did when Regal came out with his autobiography and admitted what drugs he used, and I compared my experiences on the same drugs. So now you know.

2) Poseur? Moi? Oh, you aren’t a regular reader of me, are you?

3) I’ve said the same thing to people in public, and worse. Guess what? I’m still here. You, however, are now a target of my rabid fanboys. The moment I declare YAM on someone, it’s Pavlov Ding-Dong Time.

Don’t bother responding to this. And change your handle and stop insulting the good name of Yukon Cornelius.

Now, to business…

I’ve had a number of people write me asking me my opinion on the situation surrounding a certain Governor of Illinois and certain alleged acts of malfeasance he may or may not have committed. As a Chicago Democrat, obviously I’d be knowledgeable on the subject and have a certain inside perspective, being of a certain age (44, in case you lost count) and having been through many of these scandals during my lifetime. Well, goody for you, because I’ve reached the end of my particular rope in re the editorial cartoons and commentary in various publications, electronic and dead-tree, from people who don’t have that perspective.

Let’s deal with the two separate issues that are in play here. The first one is the alleged obscene language that Rod the Mod used. I have to admit that I’m at a handicap here. Widro, in his futile attempt to make this site seem more professional in order to get us a Wikipedo entry and a feed on Google News (just like 411!), essentially banned the use of the more blatant obscenities here a while back. As anyone who’s ever read me knows, this places me at a disadvantage. I’m no longer allowed to pull a Spider Jerusalem and submit a five-thousand word column consisting of five thousand uses of a certain word beginning with F. And this points out something about Chicagoans. We know how to use uncouth language, and we learn it early. By the time we hit second grade, we know how to use the F Word as verb, noun, adjective, adverb, participle, gerund, conjunction, and parts of speech not yet discovered by linguistics experts. It’s Schoolhouse Rock as an HBO Original Series. And, nowadays, the kids are learning how to do it in English and Spanish. The only Americans who have greater facility with the F Word are Philadelphians, and even they’re getting more practice at using it these days thanks to a Chicagoan named Donovan McNabb.

So what does this mean? It means that Blago was speaking in a normal Chicago vocabulary. This is something not understood by people who reside in what The Demon Hosebeast Sarah Palin claimed was the Real America, the rural hinterlands where bitter people who cling to religion and guns believe that “Goddamn” will cause God to Damn you. We talk like this all the time. We talk like this to our friends and family. We talk like this at moments that some people might consider inopportune. For instance, my using the F Word to my father on his deathbed, preceded by the word “go” and post-scripted by “yourself”, when he asked me to forgive him for making my life a psychological toxic waste dump. A Chicagoan has to edit himself (or herself) when talking to people who are not Chicagoans in order to pander to their particular perception of obscenity. But if it’s Chicagoan to Chicagoan, anything goes.

And this lax attitude extends to Chicago politicians. Let me tell you a little historical secret. It involves the gentleman who has been serving as mayor of our fine city for the last two decades. He, of course, learned politics at the feet of his father, The Greatest Mayor In The History Of The Known Universe. Part of his education took place at the 1968 Democratic Convention. The fact that police and protesters were bashing the living crap out of each other while their home neighborhood was hosting the convention took a slight toll on Daleys pere and fils. During the rioting, Senator Abraham Ribicoff of Triple H’s Home State got up to speak, and started condemning the actions of the police, who were there, of course, to preserve disorder (Mayor Daley’s words, not mine). During the speech, the live television cameras panned over to the Daley family, who were screaming at Ribicoff. Of course, due to the noise, you couldn’t hear what either of them were saying. However, they were on camera long enough for experienced lip-readers to catch what Mayor Present and Mayor Future were yelling. And you can probably figure out what one of the more frequent words used was. Please note the situation: the mayor of Chicago and his son were screaming the F Word at a US Senator on live national television. A denial was quickly put out by the mayor’s then-press secretary, Earl Bush, thus proving that liars named Bush are present in both political parties. To this day, Richie denies he ever said that to Ribicoff. Of course, he has to deny it due to social mores. But he certainly sees nothing wrong with it. Nor does any other Chicagoan.

To Chicagoans, our use of the F Word has proven something that Lenny Bruce posited in his routines in the early Sixties: the more frequent the use of an offensive word, the less power it possesses to offend. Unfortunately, Bruce was never able to prove this using his specific example, and that’s clear on this site, where use of his example word is inevitably censored into “n*gger”, even in my Goes As Is columns. Another bit of irony is that, during Mayor Daley’s tenure, Bruce was arrested in Chicago for obscenity (ditto the much-missed George Carlin when Carlin was a young Bruce acolyte). Of course, Bruce wasn’t arrested for use of the F Word; Chicagoans didn’t even blink at that. He was arrested for what one might call blasphemy, by an Irish police captain who was offended by what Bruce said about the Pope. You don’t F with the Church in this town.

To summarize: if you’re offended by the Expletive Deleteds on Blago’s taped conversations, you’re not a Chicagoan and you don’t understand. So F off.

Now let’s get to the meat of things. We can all agree on one thing: Rod the Mod is Guilty Guilty Guilty. But here’s a point that most of you probably don’t understand: what he’s guilty of in your minds is vastly different than what he’s guilty of in ours. Let me explain.

You believe that he committed a crime by attempting to sell President Obama’s Senate seat. Technically, that is against the law, which makes it illegal. There’s also the feeling among you that his act was fundamentally immoral, a breach of the trust between the elected and those who elected him. That might be true in your minds. It’s not in ours.

What you call Illegal and Immoral, we call Business As Usual.

There is a axiom that Chicagoans learn from the cradle: Nothing Is Free. This is especially true in politics. The late Mike Royko summed up things quite well in regard to Chicagoans’ attitude toward what others see as corruption, and I’ll paraphrase here: the Cubs are on the North Side, the Sox are on the South Side, the sun rises in the morning and sets at night, and the politicians are corrupt. They always have been. They always will be. And it doesn’t matter what party they’re from. Remember that the high water mark of gangster activity in Chicago took place under a Republican mayor (the last one, ever). Chicagoans know this, and compensate for this, like the Internet compensates for damage. Except that this isn’t damage to the system, it’s a fundamental part of it. We work with corruption and incorporate it into the running of the system and the expectations of the results of that system.

We also find it to be efficient. Put Money A Into Pocket B makes it much easier to get things done. We go into this knowing exactly what we’ll have to pay to get results. It’s still going on today. No, it isn’t as blatant as it was when I was growing up and the Machine was still strong and vibrant, but it’s still there. Who You Know and How Much You Got? is still more important than What You Know. So the fact that Blago put up a US Senate seat for auction…well, it’s a combination of Business As Usual and a nice, refreshing flashback to the pre-1913 days when state legislators appointed US Senators. Every Senate seat could be bought back then. It was the nature of the game. And it’s still the nature of the game to us. If you want something, you are expected to pay for it. Gas, grass, or ass; nobody rides for free.

Now, I stated earlier that we think Rod was guilty too, but the reason why is different than yours. Here’s that difference: you think he’s guilty of corruption by attempting to sell a Senate seat. We think he’s guilty of violating a fundamental law of Chicago politics: Only Take The Small Stuff. In the 1890s, a very intelligent alderman named Michael Kenna, nicknamed “Hinky Dink” due to his lack of height, established a formula which has served us well ever since: if you’re going to be corrupt, don’t go for the Big Score, no matter how tempting it may be. Stick to small bits of graft, on the logical, intelligent principle that if you do it enough, you’ll make the same as you would from the Big Score and not expose yourself to any risks. Don’t shake down anyone for more than they’re willing to pay, because you’ll risk not getting anything. Set the price appropriately, take their money, and then deliver, because you don’t want to alienate someone who might be a future customer for your services.

Kenna knew what he was doing. He and his extrovertive partner in aldermanic follies, Bathhouse John Coughlin (his nickname originated due to his early employment as a rubber in a Turkish bath, not from any particular sexual predilictions…although from the way he dressed, you might have some suspicions in this regard), controlled the Levee, Chicago’s consolidated red-light district from the late 1880s to 1915. They established principles of graft that made everyone rich, from themselves to the police chain of command that took the payouts to the operators of the booze joints and brothels. Even the white slavers got rich; they knew that their particular crime required more in the nature of payment to protect, and they paid it. Nobody got greedy, nobody paid out more than they could afford or were willing to pay, and nobody complained. Iron discipline was maintained; if a cop decided to go for the Big Score, it was perfectly acceptable for the intended victim to go up the chain of command and file a grievance. It would be dealt with, and previous levels of renumeration would be restored.

This way of doing business has been maintained over the decades. Every Chicagoan learns through osmosis who to bribe, when to bribe them, and what the going rate is. If I get stopped by a Chicago cop while driving, the procedure is simple: I make my drivers’ license photo resemble that of another truly great Illinoisan, Hiram Ulysses Simpson Grant (to prove that inflation can take a toll on your looks, my license photo used to resemble Andrew Jackson). I carry a 50 on me at all times for this very purpose. If on the off-chance said policeman declines the offer, I proceed to look sheepish and tell him, “Sorry, I keep that there for emergencies like cash for a tow.” It’s simpler on everyone involved. The cop doesn’t have to write out the ticket. I don’t have to pay it. He and I don’t have to go to court in case I try to fight it. He gets a nice picture of an American hero for his time spent pointing out my infraction. I feel better because I don’t have to have a picture of a Republican in my wallet. Everyone wins.

And the attitude is reciprocal. Let me tell you why, in October, there’s going to be an announcement that we will be hosting the world in our front yard for a couple of weeks in 2016. We know who to bribe, when to bribe them, and what the going rate is. You thought that the IOC got a black eye from the shenanigans regarding the 2002 Winter Olympics? Those Mormons have nothing on us. We’ll give them what they want. That house near Cannes overlooking the nude beach? No problem. Oprah in a donkey show? She’ll do it. That small African nation you’ve had your eye on? We can make it happen. The Cariocas, Madrilenos, and Otaku have scruples. We’ve had them surgically removed at birth. Chicago delivers even better than Anonymous.

As you can probably tell by now, my point is this: Blago went for the Big Score. That’s his crime. And he got busted for it. He violated the fundamental nature of the system and paid the price. He should have known better. His father-in-law is a long-serving Chicago alderman. He was the protege of a Congressman who spent time behind bars for going after the Big Score and getting busted for it. We’re not upset because he’s corrupt. We’re upset because he’s a goddamn moron. We don’t like electing morons in Illinois. We’re the state that sent Everett Dirksen, Paul Douglas, and Paul Simon to the US Senate, not to mention a certain lecturer from Ye Olde Scrivener’s Alma Mater to the White House. It doesn’t make us look good.

Do we Chicagoans take pride in what you consider corruption? Yes. Yes, we do. It’s because of corruption that, in general, the city runs well. It’s clean, it’s relatively safe, the snow gets removed quickly, the garbage gets hauled out on a regular basis, we have a public transport system that’s the envy of most American cities, our roads get repaired on a regular basis, and our quality of life is improved. If you think that those things are your right as tax-paying citizens, then you’re not a Chicagoan. And you will never understand us. And if you don’t understand us, don’t pass judgement on us and on our politicians. We can do that perfectly well, by the standards that those politicans are expected to uphold. Our standards, not yours.

Ah yes.. the buzzword of the 08 election.  Change.  Well, the constituency bought it hook, line and sinker and voted for change.  They put into office a man that has limited senate experience, a dubious voting record at best, and little to no executive experience.  Hey, but what’s experience really worth anyway?  We’re getting CHANGE!  We’re getting “alternative energy.” We’re getting.. we’re getting.. we’re getting… Do I sense a theme here?  So.. how is this change coming about?  Let’s take a look:

Mr. Obama’s choice for Chief of Staff…. Rahm Emanuel.. former Clinton advisor.  Wait.. Clinton advisor?  Must be a coincidence… we voted for change.  Clinton is the past.

Mr. Obama’s choice for human service’s secretary.. Tom Daschel.  Yes.. Daschel.. nothing says change like a senator who was voted out of office several years ago and served under Clinton.

Mr. Obama’s choice for a top economic advisor Lawerence Summers.  You guessed it, former treasury secretary under Bill Clinton

This list could go on and on, but I think we only really need to mention one more appointment to get the drift of where this is going.  Mr. Obama’s choice for Secretary of State?  Hilary Clinton. Yep.. nothing says change like the old guard, Washington cronyism in it’s purest form.

So, what other bold sweeping change is Mr. Obama announcing.  Well, he’s going to stimulate the economy with 2.5 million jobs by 2011?  His plan to do this?  Revamp roads, schools and bridges.  Yep, public work projects.  Nothing says change like the New Deal.  Maybe Mr. Obama should read his history books before stepping into the Whitehouse.  Seems like another president tried to stimulate the economy this way.  Perhaps you have seen the TV footage of it.  I hear Joe Biden has a copy.  Yep.. you guessed it.  We need to look all the way back to 1935 and FDR to get a glimpse of how bad this plan is going to fail.

It amazes me how for over a year now all we have heard about is change, and before the man is even in office, all he is doing is giving us more of the same.  I’m sure the arguments will come about how well the economy did under Bill Clinton, the problem is Clinton was riding an economic boom spurred on by Reganomics and the birth and boom of the internet.  All anyone has to do is take a look at the downturn at the end of Clinton’s presidency to see just how little he really did.  Now, it’s 8 years later and the old boys are back again.  What damage are they going to do this time?  Well.. I guess it’ll be some form of change right?

And yet we trudge on down roads that we’ve taken before with people we’ve seen before.  Where is the change?  Where is it going to come from?  The real question is, did people even know what they were voting for when they stepped into the booths or did they just make the gut reaction of “I  need someone other than Bush and his party because gas is expensive and I might lose my job.”  It’s a scary time when people make their vote based on media clips, propaganda and buzzwords instead of sitting down and looking at the facts and policies that are being presented to them.

Say what you will.. the next four years are going to be interesting at the very least.  At least it isn’t more of the same from John McCain…. right?

.:: Dustinland 11.05.08 ::.
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Regardless of any sarcastic posts that may or may appear in this space in the next four years, for this one, single moment… I’m happy for Barack Obama and proud of the country. I’m happy for all the people who feel this represents a new stage in the country’s history. And I hope that all the things he promises — a better United States, unity, compromise, an openness in government, and better lives for everyone — happens. Selfishly, I hope this kicks off a huge shift of power in the Republican party to remove the religious maniacs and conservatives in their own little holes.

I’ll end this before cynicism and sarcasm starts to creep in to what I want to be positive congratulatory post. I still believe there are too many people who believe government is the solution, not the problem… and Obama’s government wants to be the solution. The hero worship in the eyes of many people shown during his acceptance speech seem to indicate they’re in agreement. I find that terrifying. But, for now, congratulations President-Elect Obama. You earned it. And congratulations America for probably doing the right thing to heal the divisive wounds in this country. At the very least, I’ve been waiting for a Gen Xer to be in charge, and now one is. Maybe it is, in fact, our time.

And to the Secret Service and God if you’re up there — for the love of all that is good and holy — protect this man.

I haven’t cried on an election night since 1992. But I’m crying now. Just like my fellow former resident of Hyde Park/Kenwood, Jesse Jackson.

Election Night 1992 was the end of a twelve-year nightmare. Election Night 2008 ended eight years of unimaginable hell. It began that nightmarish day in December 2000 when the Supreme Court caused me to lose my respect for every single legal institution in the United States. Since then, it’s been suffering. Constant, utter suffering.

I still stand by what I said in 2001: there would have been no September 11th had Nobel Peace Prize Winner Al Gore been elected as he should have been. Most of the decade, our brave men and women in the military have been involved in two wars that should never have happened. Thousands of our people killed, hundreds of thousands of Iraqis and Afghanis dead, JJ Botter with a couple of Purple Hearts… I felt a lot of guilt for helping send guys down to Gulf War: The Prequel. If I’d still been in (and I would have; I would have only reached my Twenty earlier this year), a noose might have been an option. Then came the skyrocketing gas prices; I remember almost vomiting seeing the first three-buck-a-gallon gas back in Kansas (well, first time in the US, anyway; I certainly saw it in Europe). Then Katrina and the unimaginable, deadly screw-ups that accompanied it; it shocks me, absolutely shocks me, that Lousyana went for McCain. Then Wall Street going tits-up. Every time you reach the bottom of the barrel, there’s a new bottom to be found.

And I told you that this would happen. I told you back in 2000. I reiterated it in 2004. You didn’t listen. You are a bunch of morons.

But now it’s over.

It really ended at 8:36PM Central Standard Time. That was the minute that CNN called one of my former states of residence, Ohio, for Obama. People bitch and moan about the Kennedys and their power in Brady Fellation Land, not to mention about my home in re the Daleys. Why doesn’t anyone complain about the Tafts in Ohio? Even though Ohio elected Republican presidents before the Tafts came around, the power of that family coalesced the GOP there and has lasted for a century, ever since the Tafts gave us the fattest president in US history on Election Night exactly one hundred years ago. Four generations of stranglehold for the Republicans, culminating in Kenneth Vote-Fraud’s screwing of John Kerry four years ago. And now it’s broken. God bless you, Cuyahoga County. God bless you, Tuscawaras County. When I lived near there eight years ago, I’d never have imagined that you hicks would have ever gone Demo. God bless you, C-Bus, the home of the best Anon chalkers in the business. You did it.

Same with you, Virgins. Without you, Obama couldn’t have claimed at 10:00PM Real American Time when CaliNeptune closed their polls. The last time you voted for a Demo, I was still four weeks from being born. Now, if those idiots in Indiana can follow suit, maybe I can go there Sunday to buy cigarettes with a clear conscience. But I’ll probably submit this before those results come in.

You want a quick translation of McCain’s concession speech? “Blame the n*ggers. It’s their fault.” Blame the spics too. They went 2-1 for Obama, you know. And there are a lot of them here now who are, somehow, eligible to vote. And did you catch Tina Fey’s body language on that stage? Oh, did she not want to be there. She’s going to get her ass back to Juneau tout suite and try to fight the ethics charges that she’ll face until her time to face the voters. Buh-bye, honey. For now, that is.

I went to the polls around 10:30AM. There were about twenty booths made available. Nineteen were filled after I got my ballot. A few minutes later, my vote for Obama was registered. In fact, the parking lot at the church/polling place was so crowded that it took me longer to get inside the polling area than it did for me to vote. I definitely felt better than I did during the last election. Four years ago, I was in Kansas. Voting for Kerry and for the Senate candidate was definitely equivalent to micturition in that backwater. Dubbaya and Brown-Nose were going to take those races no matter what I did short of assassination, and maybe not even then. But this time? You know, twelve years ago, if I was living in the middle of DuPage County like I am now, it would have been another trip to the toidy to whip it out and let loose. Not now. Twelve years ago, it would have been a sea of fat white old faces in that polling area who would rather have had genital piercings than voted for a Democrat. Today, I actually represented the median age of the group inside. Young professionals, mothers and fathers bringing in their children, faces that ran the Pantone Chart all the way from Ivory to Chocolate with no break in between. The demographics are changing. No longer are the Chicago suburbs lily-white conservatives. That diversity makes me more comfortable living here.

This was reflected in one of the few competitive races on the ballot here, US House of Representatives Illinois 13th District (it was quite saddening to see all of those unopposed Republican criminals on my ballot, let me tell you). Judy Biggert, the incumbent, is highly-respected, even by me. She’s a moderate Republican, definitely old-school. No religious pandering from her, just a solid pragmatic conservativism. She’s still a reasonable reflection of the population of her district. She was opposed by a gentleman named Scott Harper, a local product with an MBA from The University Of Chicago, so obviously he had my vote regardless of party affiliation. And, as I’m writing this, it’s a close race, within a couple percentage points. Normally, Biggert would have taken it without breaking a sweat. In fact, Harper would have probably won without those yahoos in Will County. We simply can’t wait until the 2010 census to incorporate Joliet into the Chicago area. It must be done now to turn them into proper Democrats.

And things must be done to the Red States to turn them into proper Democrats. The Oklahomos, for instance. They re-elected that repulsive little troll James Inhofe, who needs to be castrated like a steer, then chained up at the Habana Inn in Oklahoma City and gang-sodomized by truckers. You all know my plan for Kansas. And as for Nebraska…oh, I don’t know. Remember, their new senator Mike Johanns used to be my boss when he was Secretary of Agriculture. I lived in Lincoln when he was governor, and found out that he had a pretty wicked sense of humor. Republican, yes, but possibly worthy of survival in the New World Order, if only as court jester.

And there will be changes. It’s not only Democrats taking over. It’s Chicago Democrats. We don’t tolerate Republicans in our territory. And on January 20th, that territory will be the United States of America. Regrettably, we cannot take over as much as we need to. We couldn’t make the nut on the filibuster-proof Senate, although it looks pretty good right for Al Franken as I write this. If Ann Coulter’s head explodes from that little fact, I want it on YouTube now. It’s going to be a fun four years, watching Fat-Ass Limbaugh and his persuasion flailing impotently, raging against the dying of their night. I want them impotently flailing against the universal health care that will definitely be passed this time around. I want the New Deal-style programs that will be necessary to lift this country out of the recession. I want the Joe The Plumbers taxed to pay for these programs. I want more government regulation of everything, because, hey, I’m a trained government regulator. Socialism? No problem by me. My Marxism does tend toward Groucho, but I can see the benefits. And you’ll get to see them to, shoved in your faces if necessary. Rod the Mod can start the process in Illinois by appointing Rahm Emanuel to Obama’s seat. Oh, do the Republicans hate his guts big-time.

Excuse me while I continue crying while giggling intensely. I just can’t help it.

Okay, now that the partisanship is over, I know you want to know. How do some of the national figures of la belle femme persuasion rate on the Hot For Teacher Scale? For those of you who are new, the Hot For Teacher Scale came about when I was resident in Kansas and saw the true MILF potential of Governor Kathleen Sebelius. She is still the gold standard, rating a 100. How do others rank?

Senator-Elect Jeanne Shaheen: 70
Senator-Elect Kay Hagan: 87
Former Senator Elizabeth Dole: Used to be a 90, now firmly in GMILF territory
Mary Landrieu: 90, going up to 95 during Mardi Gras after the third drink
Hitlary: Dropped from a 60 to a 45 in the midst of this campaign. But Chelsea has really blossomed into a semi-hottie.
Michelle Obama: Not my type, but objectively, let’s face it, high 70s.
House Speaker For Life Nancy Pelosi: 25. She’s a battle-ax, but I’m glad she’s on my side. I think she’ll actually go for my program of denuding Kansas of all life and using it as a concentration camp for registered Republicans.
My Representative Judy Biggert: A very strong 60
The Udall cousins…they’re male? Really?
Sarah Palin: Not with five condoms, seven proxies, and MOPP 4

Just a few other observations:

Hope that you enjoyed seeing a lot of Grant Park. It’s really beautiful, isn’t it? The weather’s been wonderful here the last week. It’s a very warm night for November (around sixty degrees). I hope, I hope, I hope, that members of the International Olympic Committee were watching. This is how truly lovely my city is, and if they recognize that, then we’ll be hosting the 2016 Olympics. And, no, you can’t stay at my place.

Bochephus should never, ever do an acoustic version of “Born To Boogie”. That song deserves as much electric power as possible behind it. Especially when the other side has all the great beats.

Does Bryan Singer, an out-and-proud gay man, know exactly what Tom Cruise’s cult says about gays? If he had known, he’d never have been involved in Valkyrie. And if you don’t know, Google the phrase “eliminate, quietly and without sorrow”. Of course, knowing some of you, you’ll probably be more attracted to Scientology due to that. Ungrateful bastards. Don’t you know that I’m attending these protests for you? And it’s expected to rain on Saturday here in Chicago. Great. We got saturated during the September protests.

Another ad observation: DividedWeFail.org actually strikes a chord with me. Nine years ago, I was forced to declare bankruptcy because of medical bills after my HMO coverage decided that the three surgeries I had weren’t really necessary. Yeah, right. If I hadn’t had them, someone would have had to pay for in-patient addiction treatment in re Vicodin and Hillbilly Heroin for me. So, support these guys. Besides, I’m less than a dozen years away from AARP myself.

And now, let the 2012 campaign begin. We’ve already seen the preliminaries. Sarah Palin has already positioned herself as Mike Huckabee 1.5. Hopefully, Joe Biden will die within the next four years so someone real can become Veep, or at least send him back to the Senate (he won re-election to his seat). Me, for instance. I’m four years younger than Obama, have a lot of charisma…okay, I’ll accept Governor Hot For Teacher, like I told Obama to do a few months ago. But the campaign never ends. There are evil Republicans in the House and Senate already preparing their mudslinging for 2010. My lord and master Hunter Thompson once said that politics is better than sex. It may or may not be better, but it sure lasts longer.

It’s Republican Senator John McCain vs. Democratic Senator Barack Obama to determine the next President of the United States… and we’ll post results here once the major news organizations start calling it… in the meantime, feel free to comment below!

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“Two white supremacists allegedly plotted to go on a national killing spree, shooting and decapitating black people and ultimately targeting Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama, federal authorities said Monday.” - (read the full story here)

But you know, I think even if this didn’t happen, the comic would still be pretty dead on. Now, to head off predictable comments, let me say it for the one millionth time - NOT ALL REPUBLICANS ARE RACIST and YOU ARE NOT AUTOMATICALLY A RACIST IF YOU DON’T VOTE FOR OBAMA. That being said, there really is a scary amount of racial hatred being uncovered in this election. Some of the clips I see - especially online - make me wonder if it’s 2008 or 1948. But it’s like I said in this Dustinland from the other week, the same assholes who were calling hippies “long-haired faggot commies” are still out there today, and have even reproduced.

What I really wonder is this: Are the racists of this country afraid that a black man will become president, or are they more afraid that if he gets elected, he’ll do a good job?

.:: Dustinland 10.27.08 ::.

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This week’s Dustinland is no joke. In America, we grow up reading about countries in South Amerca and Africa and Asia where the elections are rigged, where dictators win 101% of the vote, and we think, “Wow, that must suck to live in a place like that.” Well, this is turning into one of those countries. We NEED to keep our electoral system honest. Before we can think of even trying to turn this country around, we need to make sure that our votes are being counted. Otherwise, nothing else matters. The very people causing the problems will continue to be the ones making all the decisions.

So do everything you can to make sure your vote counts this year, especially if you’re in a swing state. And if in the days following the election there are clear signs of vote fraud, we can’t sit idly by and let it go uncontested. For example, many people believe the ‘04 election was stolen. Now, it’s great that these people protested:

But that’s not the kind of protest that will get you change. In 2006, people in Mexico thought their election was stolen. This was how they protested:

And, sadly, even this kind of protest didn’t achieve it’s goal. But it’s a step in the right direction. What’s the next step after that? What more can you do? It’s hard to say. All I know is that there are places in this world where people would die for the right to vote. Here, we don’t even fight for it when it’s taken away from us right before our very eyes. That needs to change, and it’s up to each and everyone of us to change it.

***Thanks to Greg Palast and Robert F Kennedy Jr. for all the work they’re doing to make sure all Americans have the right to vote. Please visit stealbackyourvote.org, download their comic, donate, and spread the word.

.:: Dustinland 10.20.08 ::.

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This week’s Dustinland was inspired by all the nasty things McCain supporters have been saying about Obama lately - particularly that he’s a terrorist. I mean, does that word even have a meaning anymore? If you asked these people to define “terrorist,” I wonder what they’d come up with, besides just saying “Obama” or “someone who hates freedom” or some other meaningless bullshit. Because it’s not about truth or logic with these people. It’s about us or them. And it has been that way for a long, long time. The people who today call themselves “conservatives” have been around forever. I’m not talking about Ron Paul supporters or people with brains who choose to support the Republican party for some reason. I’m talking about the people who wish that McCain would step down and let Palin run for office herself. These people are angry. They’re afraid. They don’t want something different. They don’t want something new. They don’t want change: It scares them. So they look at the thing they fear, and they label it, they debase it, they hate it, and they try to destroy it. And the Republican Party today needs these people to win, so it has become a cult of mean, angry, raving lunatics. And to see them together in large groups can be a frightening thing.

.:: Dustinland 10.13.08 ::.

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