Moodspins » People

Mr. So-Far-So-Good: Diminishing My Propensity for Violence, One Weekend at a Time

Olya Orlova — Tue, 16 Dec 2008 14:20:38 +0000

Hello again, beautiful people. It’s been a while since I sat down to compose a masterpiece of epic proportions for you faithful readers–partly because life is testing me with all sorts of obstacle courses, and partly because.. well, for the first time in my life I can honestly say that I am in a happy, healthy, and overall fantastic relationship, which leaves me with very little to bitch and moan about. BUT, simply because I have managed to find a good man among the wreckage (no offense, douchebags) who has taken away the overwhelming urge I’ve always had to hit my significant other over the head with a heavy shovel, does not mean that I have nothing decent left to say! So, I’m gonna spew some wisdom…

This week’s topic: …and you will listen to every goddamn word I have to say!

Every experience, whether good or bad, big or small, does it’s part to shape and mold us, to change our perception of the world, and to teach us something about ourselves; this includes our wonderful relationships, shitty affairs, and assholes stealing our seats on the subway. And, it’s safe to say that I’ve been through my share of asses, both large and small, who have contributed to my greater understanding of the world and to my self-deprecating sense of humor. So, when I finally came upon someone who was just enough of an ass to keep me intrigued and just enough of a non-ass to keep me around, I didn’t know what to do with myself. But, nevertheless, this is what I’ve learned so far…

1. Keep your mind open.
Before I met Mr. So-Far-So-Good, I had a list of shit I demanded from all my Misters. I demanded kindness, intelligence, tact, a hint of cocky bastard–I had height requirements, nationality preferences, age restrictions–I wanted a certain level of education, I wanted this, I wanted that, I wanted the exact replica of the perfect man that I started drawing in my little head when I was about seven years old–and, like all great constitutions, it was amended when new evidence demanded said amendments.

Now, Mr. So-Far-So-Good, he strolled into my life without an invitation–and it took me quite a while to agree to let him hang around for the buffet.. seeing how he hadn’t fulfilled a requirement or two. But, lo and behold, with time, my head constitution got amended yet again, for the 826th time.

2. Love is easy…
Did you know that it’s possible to spend the weekend, the entire weekend, laughing through faux pas, watching crappy television, eating cheap Vietnamese, and generally enjoying the company of another human being without it ending in a cold war and/or nuclear explosion? I didn’t. I thought (and maybe this is a result of growing up in the Soviet Union) that cold wars and waiting around for something that doesn’t exist are natural states for human beings. I believed that if I ’saw the good in him,’ the good would magically coat the entire ‘him’ and he’d go down easy, like advil (or a Thai hooker). It turns out that love doesn’t require seeing the good in anyone–because the good is just there, in plain sight, and seeing it is not a fucking accomplishment.

3. …but relationships require work
Work. Actual work, like on the railroad, but worse… because you have to work on yourself. Compromising isn’t the hard part–convincing yourself to compromise is what sucks; convincing yourself to tell him that the way he holds his fork pisses you off instead of letting the image of him holding the fork like a retard fester in the depths of your soul until one day, you hack off his fingers to ensure that he can never hold a fork again… that’s the hard part.

So people, keep on keepin on. And, if you prefer my cynical side to this here happy bullshit, I can tell you all about how this broad I know faked an accidental pregnancy.

Comments? Suggestions for the next topic? Burning questions about love, relationships, or sex that your psychologist refuses to address due to ethical guidelines? email me! I have no ethics. ask.olya@gmail.com
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Dustinland - At least I have a job!

Dustin Glick — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 04:50:50 +0000

This week’s Dustinland is sad but true. A few months ago, many of us were preparing arguments to ensure big enough raises, and saying things like, “If they don’t give me at least 10% I am outta here!” But now that the economy is in the pooper, those days are long gone. Now the same people who got mad at rumors of smaller bonuses are just glad to have jobs. And when you see the person in the next cubicle packing their things into a cardboard box, well, the next time you have to stay a few hours late after work, suddenly you’re not griping like you used to. Well, at least Obama won, and hopefully that means this thing will turn around sooner rather than later - or never.

.:: Dustinland 12.01.08 ::.

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Dustinland - Custinland

Dustin Glick — Tue, 25 Nov 2008 04:47:09 +0000

Well, I’m back from workacation (work + vacation) abroad, and sadly I have come home to freezing cold weather and a pretty sour looking economy. The latter subject shall most likely be an ongoing subject of Dustinlands in the near future, but this week you can enjoy this cute story of the indignity I am forced to undergo every day. But to tell you the truth, I actually like the whole Custin thing. You know, any attention is good attention, right? Except for being beaten by a wrench. That’s bad attention. Also, getting run over by a tank. Not good.

.:: Dustinland 11.24.08 ::.

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Dustinland - Halloween Story for Election Night Jitters

Dustin Glick — Tue, 04 Nov 2008 05:06:19 +0000

There is just nothing left to say about the election tomorrow, so I figured this week’s Dustinland should be something light and fun. Hopefully it will make you laugh and forget about the election for a second. I know I need to stop thinking about it. I’m already anxious - I’m sure tomorrow night I’ll be a nervous wreck.

.:: Dustinland 11.03.08 ::.

Hodgepodgeatorium - The Most Pressing Issue

mathan erhardt — Tue, 21 Oct 2008 02:31:08 +0000

The election is just around the corner and I’m still undecided. I’ve got to say that I’m not all that satisfied with the candidates. I’m sure that they’re qualified to be president. But they’re lacking something, something that’s important to me.

There’s a person that’s free in the world that needs to be brought to justice. This person committed an act earlier in the decade that affected the lives of many Americans and forever altered the world, as we know it. And I think that it’s an issue that needs to be addressed by the candidates, even though it wasn’t brought up at any of the debates.

I think that the next President of the United States needs to find out exactly who let the dogs out.

Don’t get me wrong 9/11 was a huge deal, It impacted lives and we should probably do something about Osama Bin Laden. But really, whoever let the dogs out held the country, nay, the world captive for an entire summer. In fact I’d put the capture of whoever let the dogs out right behind becoming more eco-friendly in terms of the most pressing concerns. There’s practically an entire generation out there who can’t remember a time before the dogs were let out, and the person responsible is still out there. I think there’s something wrong with that picture.

I really think that by ignoring whoever let those dogs out, we’ve sort of turned our back on the world. After all it was the Baha Men who alerted us to the situation of the dogs actually being out and posed the question of who did it. Furthermore, that question was just posed to the United States, it was posed to the world, and thus it became a global issue.

Granted respect for the United States around the world is probably at an all time low, but I think that by making the capture of whoever let the dogs out a chief concern for our nation’s next four years we just might be able to win some points from several nations. Not only will we gain some respect back, but I think that solving the mystery of who let the dogs out might be used to mend some fences. Sure Palestine and Israel have some serious history between them, but I’ve got to believe that they could put it aside for a joint cause, like bringing to justice the person (or persons) behind the letting out of the dogs.

I know that we’re closing in on a historic election and on the cusp of a severe economic downturn, but I don’t think we afford to ignore the letting out of the dogs anymore. That person is still out there and they could strike again at any moment. They could be plotting right now. Their hatred for our pets grows every day. Last time it was the dogs. Maybe next time it’s the snakes or some other reptiles. Perhaps the next target is the hamsters.

I expect the candidates to address the issue of the dogs being let out and how they would prevent it from happening again. We should never forget that the dogs were let out and must remain vigilant so that we won’t have to deal with anything on that scale ever again.

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Dustinland - Survival of The Fittest

Dustin Glick — Tue, 07 Oct 2008 03:07:32 +0000

I took a break from politics for this week’s Dustinland since I had all this work stuff on my mind. It’s weird - like I said in the comic, I’ve never been the competitive type. I usually just do what has to be done and hope my work can stand for itself. But in my current job, it doesn’t work like that, and I find it really weird trying to succeed in this dog eat dog environment. I mean, in my office you don’t have to lie (well you do have to lie - it is advertising) or cheat or anything like that to get ahead, but you are constantly pitted against other people in terms of getting your work and your ideas to go through. I’m sure it’s the same way in many industries. It’s just weird when you find yourself hoping for someone else to fail, and knowing they’re thinking the exact same thing about you. Of course, you don’t want them to fail because you dislike them - in fact, if everyone could succeed together, that would be fantastic. But when there’s only room for one winner, then you have to root against the everyone else. I feel like Simon on American Idol, when he talks about how the contestants pretend to be sad when someone else gets voted off the show but inside they’re just happy it’s not them. But that’s pretty much the way it goes.

.:: Dustinland 10.06.08 ::.

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Dustinland - American Beer

Dustin Glick — Tue, 23 Sep 2008 03:11:19 +0000

This week’s Dustinland is almost a metaphor for what’s going on in the US right now with our economic crisis and all. Our economy was supposedly doing great for years - but now we see that it was all fake. A big fat fake bubble full of air and lies. Just like all these big “American” beers that shove super patriotic ads in your face during Sunday football. They’re all owned by foreign companies. It’s a joke, it really is.

PS Sam Adams is the biggest American beer now. Some say Pabst but I think there’s some technicality there that disqualifies it. Plus Pabst is barely a beer. It makes Coors seem like Guiness.

.:: Dustinland 09.22.08 ::.

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September 11, 2001: Seven Years Later?

Matthew Michaels — Thu, 11 Sep 2008 22:01:57 +0000

Wow. Hard to believe it’s been seven years since NY, DC and PA were attacked…

Dustinland - The Other Side

Dustin Glick — Tue, 26 Aug 2008 00:08:17 +0000

Regarding this week’s Dustinland: You know, at the end of Office Space, the main dude from the movie solves his office worker blues by trading a white collar for a blue one and becoming a construction worker. I always thought that was a complete BS ending. Blue collar jobs suck just as much as white collar jobs — just for different reasons. At the end of the day, we’ve all had times when we’ve seen someone with a job that’s the complete opposite of ours and thought, man, I’d be happy doing that instead of this crap. Investment bankers get jealous of teachers, guys in bands get jealous of lawyers — everyone sees that other route as the way to happiness when their own road is going the wrong way. What’s the answer? Who knows? It’s different for everyone. Unless you win the lotto. That seems to work all around.

.:: Dustinland 08.25.08 ::.

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Dustinland - The Music Nerd’s Burden

Dustin Glick — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 18:59:01 +0000

Hey, don’t get me wrong with this week’s Dustinland: music is my life. I love it, I obsess over it, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. However, sometimes it does seem like it would be way easier for either everyone else to have a moderate degree of good taste, or for me to just be a musical dumbass. Hey, it’s not just the obvious places. Sure, there’s terrible music playing in way more than half the bars in New York City every night — you can usually tell before you even walk in if the music is going to suck or not. But why must there be horrible music everywhere? Restaurants, laundromats, neighboring cubicles, passing cars, bakeries, movie theaters, sports arenas, elevators… it never ends. And if you must play horrible music, play it at a reasonable volume at least. If we’re not at a bar or club, there is no reason I should be assaulted by loud, crappy music. Especially when it’s not even appropriate to the venue. I’m sitting at a traditional Thai restaurant. Why am I listening to Bon Jovi? WHY? Oh to be an idiot and love the Billboard Top 100. It would be so much easier.

UPDATE: For comments on the reaction to this strip, click here.

.:: Dustinland 08.18.08 ::.
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