And so it continues…

The situation regarding Sale On Senate Seats is getting worse, so I thought a little follow-up to my Christmas column might be in order due to developments over the past week, especially the reaction of the press. In case you’ve been living under a rock, or been busy watching some highly boring bowl games, Rod the Mod has thrown a middle finger to the National Body Politic by attempting to appoint someone to President Obama’s seat, despite being blasted more than your average inhabitant of Gaza for doing so. And we here in Chicago sit giggling at the apoplexy of the rest of the country over this development. If you think we’re a joke for this happening, the joke’s on you.

Before I tell you why you’re such a laugh factory, I’ll digress for a moment and reflect on the Gaza situation. Isn’t it time that the whole world just says Screw It and throw up their hands? Let them fight it out once and for all. Time to declare Total Worldwide Embargo on Israel and the Palestinian Authority, with a message saying “Call us when you have a winner.” Hell In A Cell as International Diplomacy. Wouldn’t your estimation of Condi Rice go up if she said that as her going-away gift (until she becomes NFL Commissioner after Goodell fails to reach a new labor agreement)? Wouldn’t your estimation of Hitlary go up if she said that? It’d throw Republicans for a loop, especially in what we might call the less-enlightened areas of the country that tend to skew heavily red. Imagine that quandary in November 2010: “They support killing babies and letting faggots marry, but, hey, they don’t give money to Jews, so there must be something good about them!” But more about playing the Race Card later, when we get back to the main discussion.

We Americans win in two ways:

1) We can divert the foreign aid we’re throwing at a First World country (namely, Israel) to places that really need it. Most of you know that I’ve spent the last twenty years dealing with food and water safety. Since I have a great deal of free time right now, being a victim of the Bush Economy, I’ve made some inquiries to various charitable organizations about playing Mighty Whitey in Zimbabwe, a situation that’s breaking my heart…yes, I have a heart. It’s in there somewhere. Take the money that’s earmarked for Israel, and offer it to Zimbabwe to fix up their water and sewage infrastructure, just as long as the new infrastructure is tested by flushing Mugabe down the toilet. This is the 21st Century. Cholera is easily preventable. We know what causes it. We know that it can be stopped with the proper application of money. Noo Yawk hasn’t had an outbreak of cholera since 1892, and if we can stop it in that pestilential hole, Harare is no problem. So do it. Do you know how much good international press the US can get from both sides of this transaction?

2) The Saudis can go back to arms dealing in order to fill in the gap. This will give them a secondary income flow that will lessen the need to shore up falling oil prices, keeping gas prices low. I have a dream that one day, I’ll be able to do something I haven’t been able to do since 2000: fill up for under a buck a gallon. This plan can bring us one step closer to fulfilling that dream.

Enough about international politics. As we know, all politics is local, and my local political situation has accumulated enough interest outside our little enclave for me to address it again. Over the past week, the following has occurred:

1) Rod the Mod, despite being out on bail, has announced an appointment to the senate seat of President Obama.

2) The prospective senator is Roland Burris.

3) Roland Burris happens to be black.

Somehow, someway, these facts have converged and diverged simultaneously. For some people, they’re one issue. For others, they’re three separate issues. This is where you benefit by having me commenting on this. Remember, my degree is in Physics…oh, yeah, that reminds me. I have to go down to campus and grab the new edition of the University of Chicago Nobel Prize Winners T-shirt. Mine went out of date a couple of months ago when we won another one, in my field. So yah, boo, sucks to you. Now…as someone with a degree in Physics, I’m used to phenomena like this. It’s Quantum Mechanics as politics, and I’d be willing to lay a lot of money on the fact that the commentators are not as cognizant of the implications of this as I am. It hampers their ability to explain what’s actually going on. I, however, know how to deal with this, despite being slightly out of practice. I’ll solve this like any problem in quantum mechanics: apply transformation, separate the wave phenomena, solve for each individually, then combine in a proper fashion for a solution to the equation.

So, let’s start the process…

The first thing to do is to apply the transformation and solve the first part of the equation. Here’s something that the national media seems to be ignoring: until he is impeached, Blago is still the governor of Illinois. He is still in office. It is hypocritical of anyone from the opposition to say otherwise, given the situation surrounding Mister Intertubes himself, Ted Stevens, still fresh in memory. Stevens was not only indicted on corruption charges, but convicted of same when the election happened. He said he would have taken his Senate seat had he won, leaving up to the Senate to expel him. If Stevens was given the opportunity by the idiots in Alaska to exercise his authority granted to him by the voters, and if six hundred Alaskans of indeterminate species had voted differently, he would have been, why isn’t Blago allowed to do so? Until he or the Illinois Legislature says otherwise, he is the governor of Illinois.

The Illinois Constitution states that it is up to the governor to appoint people to vacancies in the US Senate. Rod the Mod is still governor, regardless of current legal status (and, remember, as of this writing, he hasn’t been indicted). It is his duty under the law to fill that vacancy, preferably before the Senate is seated next week. There is no legal reason to prevent this appointment, despite what Jesse White is trying to do in preventing it from receiving official sanction. Uh, Jesse, may I suggest that you clean up your own house at the Secretary of State’s office instead of flailing over this? Have you been to one of your Illinois Department of Motor Vehicles outlet marts lately? It’s disgraceful. Just affix the seal to the executive order and stop trying to kiss Obama’s ass for a federal appointment, okay?

By the way, going back to Ted Stevens for a moment, if he had won and tried to take his seat, wouldn’t any effort to prevent him from taking his seat been regarded by our fiends at Fox News as being a purely partisan act by a set of “bad winners”? You know they would, despite the fact that Stevens was convicted. Blago hasn’t been convicted. He hasn’t even been indicted. Therein lies the difference.

Obama’s “authority” here in calling for Blago’s resignation and the blocking of filling the seat is purely moral and purely ineffective; all he can do is say things, without the power to make it so. It’s also pure pandering in the face of bad national press. He’s in too deep. He knows that if it goes on much longer, someone in the right-wing media is going to dig deeper into the Tony Rezko situation, in which he and Blago are joined at the hip. He knows from history that a president who goes into office crippled stays crippled, except under extraordinary circumstances. He has to get the heat off him and reflect the line that public opinion, whether reflected by or led by the press, is taking. Right now, that’s “throw the bums out.” So, yeah, we know what he’s doing. We saw it in the campaign with Reverend Wright. We’ll see it again when the bill comes in from the Church of Scientology for their support (and, remember, I told you about Marty Rathbun before anyone else).

There are two separate legal issues here which have to be pointed out. Jesse White is failing to do his duty under the Illinois Constitution by acceeding to the appointment. There is no prima facie reason to reject the appointment on a legal basis. The circumstances behind the appointment are unsavory, but not illegal. If the Senate tries to block Burris from being seated, that’s a clear violation of the Tenth Amendment.

As things stand right now, the appointment of Burris is legal. Whether it’s legitimate is a separate issue. The legitimacy of the appointment should be dealt with in the proper fashion. Burris has to run for re-election in 2010. Let the voters decide. That’s what American government is about.

The second issue is the least contentious. Roland Burris is probably the most respected politician in Illinois. He’s a Machine product, true, but there’s never been anything on him. He is loved in the community, by members of all races. His popularity ticks every demographic box. He’s probably the best person who could have been appointed given the circumstances. He has the public image of not being able to be bought. He didn’t seek this out. He’s been happy in quasi-retirement after a lifetime of quality service. He’s regarded as a first-class politician with a first-class legal mind. He’s also 71 years old, which helps establish the presumption that he’s going to do two years, not run again, and Illinois will have a chance to install someone with the appropriate level of legitimacy next November.

The most negative thing said about Burris is that he loves the limelight a little too much. Big deal. Oprah, Mike Ditka, and Michael Jordan love the limelight a little too much too, but we love them. Burris is popular, and it’s only the circumstances that make this appointment contentious. If the legal issues weren’t overwhelming everything else, this appointment would be praised. Commentators would be praising Illinois for appointing someone who’d follow in the steps of Dirksen, Douglas, and Simon, and Blago would have a step up on getting a third term. There is no prima facie reason to disqualify Burris on the basis of ability and track record. Is Burris corrupt? As much as any Chicago politician is. But he has been a good student of the Machine and followed the Main Rule that I elucidated in my last column. He’s taken only the Small Stuff, never gone for the Big Score, and never been caught. He’s not only never been caught, he’s never had a whiff of corruption surround him. For someone who’s spent decades in a political sewer, that’s amazing.

So, therefore, we have someone legally appointed who has a sterling reputation in all facets of the political game. The circumstances aren’t enough to disqualify him. There needs to be something else put in play by the media. Oh, wait, we know what to do, don’t we? And that leads us to Part The Third.

“Roland Burris has a chocolate-brown skin tone! Blago’s playing the Race Card in order to deflect criticism!” Two words: Bitch, Please. If you want to concentrate on deflection of criticism, concentrate on the fact that was provided in my explanation of Part The Second: Burris is squeaky-clean. His placement on the Pantone Chart is way down on the list.

Is Burris open to the charge of racial pandering? Well, yes, actually. It’s only because of his history. The Machine always had its House Negroes, ever since the black population in Chicago rose enough to require them (and they were disposable; when Alderman Benjamin Lewis was murdered in 1951, a crime that remains unsolved to this day, another part was put in his place). Harold Washington was a Machine House Negro, something that’s a convenient target for revisionist historians who see him as some kind of breakthrough instead of putting him in his proper place in the continuum of Chicago Politics. Burris was the last of the line, a dependable black Democrat who wouldn’t go against the Machine (well, among blacks, anyway; there are any number of House Hispanics still in office here). He’s always known how to play the game. He knew the path to power required him to play this role, and did so. When the opportunity to transcend this status occurred, he took it and established enough of a reputation and popularity to make his skin tone irrelevant to Illinois voters. His identity here is that of Politician, not Black Politician, something people outside of Illinois don’t understand. The history of Chicago politics in terms of race is truly ugly, but there’s always been that opening for skilled politicians of any race to be put on that path to power I was talking about. The initial stage may have required playing the role of a token, but Chicago politicians have always had a talent at putting aside personal repugnance when need be.

Here’s another little fact that people are ignoring: Blago’s hands were tied in this appointment. He had to replace the only black in the US Senate, in a state where his base of support is heavily black. Most of the obvious candidates for the appointment happen to have been black: Jesse Jackson Jr., Bobby Rush, Valerie Jarrett. The only white candidate he may have been able to get away with was Jan Schakowsky, whose appeal also happens to cut across racial lines. Burris was the best choice in this regard, especially after Jackson was tainted by the situation. Crossing party lines to appoint someone wasn’t an option, not with the Senate one Minnesota recount and one disgruntled Republican away from a filibuster-proof majority. He had to appoint someone of color to the post. Anyone familiar with Chicago politics understands that. Of course, that excludes most of the national media, who are playing this angle up to no end.

By the way, Blago could have avoided all of this, including the legal action, had he done what I suggested on Election Day: do a pre-emptive strike and appoint Rahm Emanuel before Obama got his hands on him. Yeah, it would have caused a firestorm with the Republicans and the right-wing media, but that would have been fun. If the election results weren’t enough, this would have been the ultimate kick-’em-while-they’re-down move. And, believe it or not, no one would have complained about any racial aspects. Emanuel has that cut-across-racial-lines appeal that Burris does.

Is the fact that people are playing the Race Card on this issue disappointing? Yes, if you’re of the belief that the Race Card was killed with extreme violence and buried in a concrete vault a thousand miles beneath the Earth on November 4th. I’m not one of them. Remember, I grew up in Chicago politics. If you have what you perceive to be an advantage, use it. So it isn’t disappointing to me that members of the media are grabbing on to this like a starving dog on raw meat. It’s simply the result of having nothing else to grab on to. It’s a sign that we still haven’t progressed to true social enlightenment.

So where does that leave us? If you’re against this appointment, you’re flailing against the darkness. Any action that might prevent Burris from taking his seat is of the delaying kind, until the Illinois Legislature can get back into Springfield next week and start the impeachment proceedings in an attempt to nullify the appointment. But as of right now, there’s nothing illegal going on here. There’s nothing even illegitimate. It’s Illinois government working as it always has. Remember, we’re the state that’s sent four of its last six governors to the Big House. And if you regard this attitude as people in Illinois dropping trou on the rest of the country, like political cartoonist Daryl Cagle did a few days ago…well, it’ll give all of you the opportunity to see what a great ass I have.

EJS – 1/2/2009

Last 5 posts by Eric Szulczewski

• He's A Crook, But He's Our Crook - December 25th, 2008
• Vengeance Is Mine, Sayeth The Demo - November 4th, 2008
• Surrender is an Option - September 5th, 2008
• Obama, Opinions, Etc. - June 16th, 2008
• Unlike Grut, I Will Spoil It For You... - July 21st, 2007