10. And betwixt Harry’s legs was a newly formed vagina, bright and glorious as the sun itself.

9. While the three remained friends, it was difficult to hang out while they built temples for their Lord Voldemort.

8. Street lights, people, oooooooooooh. Don’t stop

7. The Fliggid Motapoy chased Harry around the gluesornopety tree until they both vomited.

6. Although Voldermort was considered evil and Harry good, they all went to Hell because they’re all witches.

5. But Hermione couldn’t choose between Ron and Harry because her head was no longer attached to her body.

4. Severus Snape floated back to the ground, turned his back to Harry and farted mightily.

3. The meaning of the scar was finally clear: Voldemort gave Harry AIDS.

2. “MATURIO”, yelled Harry, and his readers over 18 suddenly realized they should be reading something written for them.

1. Harry Potter was shot, blown up, nuked, and the little parts of him that were left were eaten by Acid Ants. The kid is dead, okay? Leave me alone.

Last 5 posts by GRUT

• 9/11 and The Crazy and D*ckish Liberals Making Me Look Bad. - October 21st, 2007
• Harry Potter and the Early Mostly Spoiler Free Review - July 20th, 2007
• LIVE COVERAGE: Victoria Beckham: Coming to America - July 19th, 2007
• Re: Opinions, Etc. - January 24th, 2007
• More - February 27th, 2005