I started having baby cravings. I’m convinced it’s temporary, though I’m starting to doubt the definition of temporary.

My mom is the eternal mother. She doesn’t have a clue about what to do with teenagers, but when it comes to the 0-3 crowd, she’s got the secret to make them drool. It was so embarrassing, standing in line at the grocery store, watching my mother play peek-a-book with some random stranger’s kid. I’m sure my sister was a pleasant surprise for her twelve years after I was born. I couldn’t stop my mother from lingering in the baby department, holding up miniature sundresses and nightgowns, wondering whether my sister was big enough to fit into little girls’ underwear, while I was desperate for new jeans.

Now I can’t resist the urge to pick up a random stranger’s kid and blow on its stomach to get it to giggle. I walk by two elementary schools on my work each morning, and I wish I could go up to the kids and ask them about Rainbow Bright and Power Rangers, except I think they’d give me the same look I used to give my mom in line at the grocery.

I’ve had three pregnancy scares in my life, all of them false alarms. My expectations were different each time. The first was with my first real boyfriend and we were too young to understand the meaning of “till death do you part.: We believed in “happily ever after,” and I started considering strollers. The second time I was in college and had no clue whom to blame, and the third was three months ago when I was confident in New York State’s right to abort. It never came that far. The 1965 Supreme court ruling gave me a 92% guarantee that it wasn’t going to happen as long as I could part with $15 – $65 a month, depending on whether I was insured at the time.

I know not to touch a baby’s head in the first three months because of the hole in the skull that still needs to develop, and I know not to lay them on their stomach so that they don’t pass out one night in their crib. Being the oldest sister by twelve years is like being a step mother, especially when the actual mother is going through issues. And although my star sign indicates that I would make the most nurturing caretakers of the entire zodiac, the appeal of motherhood has never been as strong as these last three weeks. Maybe it’s the moon.

Even pregnancy doesn’t scare me. Nine months without a period, hell yeah. Everyone at work is pregnant, and by that I mean everyone at work is pregnant. Due within days of each other, or out on maternity leave for six more months; it doesn’t get any better than that. I can easily chime in when it comes to baby names, outfits, pacifiers and pediatricians. Though I’d be worried about stretch marks. And morning sickness.

I’ve never had a pet. I want a cat, but my Village apartment doesn’t have enough space for a goldfish. I’m still a kid when it comes to 90% of life experiences, and a teenager 5% of the time. I have a job, not a career, and don’t know where to start investing in stocks. I get too drunk on Tuesday nights and can barely juggle work and a social life – how ever is a kid going to fit into this? Nevertheless, I think it would be cool, even the bad parts…like 4 am wailing that doesn’t stop until Oprah goes on.

Of course I’m lying, which is why I like to satiate my cravings by weekending with my mother’s friends in Westchester, playing with the four year-old until I tire of him and then head back to the city proclaiming myself celibate for the next five years , just to ensure no missteps. Baby cravings happen, like chocolate or nicotine, but they can be controlled in small doses. No need to ruin your life by acting on impulse. I want a child that I can support through college, one that will have a better life than I, and my life if pretty hard to beat. So I am not going to risk it just because my lack of Saturday night inhibitions allows me to; I believe my realistic conscience will always voice itself just in time.

However, this talk about making abortion illegal is getting to me. My Republican Dad points out that if I’m against the death penalty, how can I justify killing a baby?

The forced-labor movement is gaining clout, especially in the Supreme Court and among the majority of limited news source receiving voting Americans. It will take a lot of activism to ensure a woman’s right to plan for a family. It will take the determination and guts of generations past to take a firm stand now, and I’m afraid today’s women are taking their liberty for granted. Vera Drake is not just a British movie. It’s a point blank example of how easily things could regress in this country if liberal, intellectual U.S. citizens continue to assume that the right to abortion is self-evident. The conservative right might be stuck in the 17th century, but their voices are being heard, while the progressive left remains stuck in their arrogant silence.

Things are brewing on the Supreme Court side, whether the public is aware of it or not. All it takes is one judge to rule against the right to privacy, and all baby cravings like mine will have to go fulfilled whether I mean them or not.

Last 5 posts by Cynthia Patricia

• So Jealous - June 8th, 2007
• WASP - April 27th, 2007
• Vindicated - April 20th, 2007
• Sister Sister - April 6th, 2007
• Revelations 101 - March 30th, 2007