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Opinions, Etc., The Sequel

By Eric Szulczewski ⋅ January 25, 2007 ⋅ Post a comment | Email the author

As for Grutman’s attempted riposte to my comments, here’s where his analysis is fundamentally flawed: Grut is a Noo Yawker. He’s seen only the outer shell of Hitlary, the Senator. He doesn’t know Hitlary like I do. Inside, she isn’t Noo Yawk Hitlary, she’s still the Park Ridge Princess she grew up as. I know those type of women far, far better than Grut, having grown up in Chicago. They’re hard, harder than anything Noo Yawk produces. And they’re a specific type of hard. They’re complete and utter bitches who have no qualms about ripping a guy’s balls off while she’s cock-teasing him. Chicago produces those women as a matter of course. Now add on everything she’s been through as a Watergate investigator, a high-powered lawyer, the shit she went through as First Lady of Arkansas, the attempts at hardball played by Gingrich et al during her husband’s terms, the public humiliations of Whitewater and Blowjobgate…this adds up to one thing: stone cold cunt. She will fire at any Republican who dares run against her, and guess what? They’ll be afraid to fire back because she’s a woman, and because their recidivist, retarded base still has ideas about chivalry in addition to their Stone Age views on the proper behavior of females, they’ll be risking alienating their core constituency, especially the females of the tribe, whom they realize have the right to vote, disappointing as that may be to them. They’re treated with some respect by their hubbies as long as they stay in the kitchen and pump out babies, and they’ll be shocked, shocked, to see a woman, any one, even Hitlary, being slammed by people they support. So they’ll gravitate to her, enough so that a loss becomes certain.

Hitlary is a True Chicagoan, a gut fighter. She’s the one with the balls in the family, as we’ve seen repeatedly on a national basis since 1992. She’s f*cking scary. Chicago politicians learn their behavior from rats, specifically the urban rat’s utter viciousness and tenaciousness. When they smell food (and food for the politician is the blood of their opponent), they’ll do anything to get at it. And Hitlary is a Chicago politician, despite her current dubious (to say the least) choice of residence. She’s also playing the perfect game right now, situating herself at the center, like she made hubby do in 1992. She’s rehabilitated herself sufficiently from her previous lists to the left (and accepted the fact that there will be people, mainly Republican males, who will never like her, so she’s focused her efforts on the still-malleable and done so effectively). She’s said and done all the right things to make people not fear her.

And never underestimate Obama. Oh, yeah, if Hitlary asks, he’s in for veep, no doubt. He’s got his eye on history. He knows that, unlike a woman, a minority will have an easier time becoming president once a minority becomes vice-president. There’s going to be no breakthrough for a minority on the scale of Kennedy’s defusing of the religious issue in 1960. Even the hardcore evangelicals won’t complain about a candidate’s religion these days (witness the lack of even a peep about Lieberman in 2000), but…”Hey, a woman’s one thing, and a Jew’s another, but a nigger?” This country’s going to have to get used to the thought of someone of darker pigment being in the White House, and having someone who’s a heartbeat away from the presidency is perfect habituation. In 2016, after eight years of Obama, the country will be ready. And he’ll be doing his best to make sure that he’s the one in position. He’ll be the perfect age for the presidency, he’ll have the experience necessary, and he’ll have the country on his side. Shit, he may even choose Richardson for his running mate. And Time and Newsweek will all be doing cover stories on the demise of the white male. Hell, I’ll be turning 52 right after the election. That’s enough life for this white male.

As for Grut’s assertion that McCain’s the perfect candidate to run against Hitlary, I think that’s so full of shit that it’s not worth comment. McCain’s the only Republican that can beat her. Just look at the polls. Who’s better than McCain on the Republican side? Brownback’s a primary spoiler, nothing more. Romney? No, because the Religious Reichists aren’t sure that Mormons are Christians, and that’ll scare them off (hell, if they’re not sure that Catholics are Christians, despite having been there sixteen hundred years before them…). If Brownback starts bringing up the Paganization of America and TEH GHEY, the religious fruitcakes are going to flock to the polls again and punch his name, and that’ll f*ck McCain big-time. If Brownback starts carrying the southern primaries, that’s it. McCain either drops out, or there’s going to be a deadlocked convention.

I want this to happen, and not because McCain is a threat to Hitlary. It’s because that, to save its soul, to become a great political organization again, the Republican Party has to hit rock bottom and realize what the religious freaks have done. It’s actually happening in Kansas, as a correspondent reminded me (of course, it had to happen after I left there). The worst of the fruitcakes were turfed out in November. All that’s left is for Governor Hot For Teacher to order the arrests of the state school board on charges of living in the 17th Century, and then order the state police or the National Guard to storm Westboro Baptist Church with orders to shoot on sight. At the very least, it might inject some life into Topeka. Goddamn, the only good thing about Topeka was that it had the nearest Best Buy to me.

So, we were talking about hitting rock bottom. The GOP’s been through that before. It happened in 1964. After years of Eisenhower-induced lethargy and complacency, moderate and liberal Republicans (yes, Virginia, there was such a thing as a liberal Republican once upon a time) didn’t see Goldwater coming, and the right wing took over for one of the most glorious electoral failures in history. The country elected Johnson by a landslide for two reasons: the brains of JFK splattered all over the triple underpass and a complete rejection of the message that Goldwater was sending. The party had to completely rebuild, and the moderates took over for a while. Hell, even Nixon went moderate to win their support. The last gasp for them was Ford’s narrow loss in 1976. Then, the Reaganistas took over and let the Religious Reich in the door, and they’ve stayed there since, becoming the guest that wouldn’t leave. Well, it’s long past time, especially after this failed presidency (and I mean failed in every respect), to kick the f*cker off the couch and take back the remote. The only way to do that is to let Brownback get the nomination, have the country throw up its hands in revolt, let the media overuse the phrase “Clinton Republicans”, flame out in spectacular fashion, and kick the yahoos out. Worked for the GOP in 1968, worked for the Labour Party in 1997. Worth a try, don’t you think?

2008 is setting up to be a sea change election on the order of 1980 and 1992. I was there for the last two, and mourned my country in the first instance and celebrated in the second. Now I’ll get to celebrate again. And if Grut gets his head out of his ass, maybe he can join me.