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Opinions, Etc.

By Eric Szulczewski ⋅ November 8, 2006 ⋅ Post a comment | Email the author

SEND LAWYERS, GUNS, AND MONEY

Warning: severe gloating ahead. You Republicans should avert your eyes. It’ll just make it easier to put you in the concentration camps you belong in.

Oh, not again…well, after the messes in 2000 and 2004, it’s only to be expected. It all came down to Virginia, and at about 9PM Central on Wednesday night, the AP declared Jim Webb the winner The Cradle of Presidents had the fate of the Republic in their hands, and they came through, barely. The two major mistakes of 2000 and 2004 can somewhat be rectified now. Despite Dubbaya’s brave face at his (de)press conference, let’s see how he likes dealing with Majority Leader Reid and Speaker Pelosi. I think he’d rather have Laura rip out his pubic hairs one by one while reading to him from “My Pet Goat”.

Oh, I’ve been waiting for this day since that nighmarish December morning in 2000. I want to see the Junta suffer. If you thought the Demos were obnoxious now, all you right-wing freaks, just wait. These next two years are going to be horrible for you. They’re going to do just enough to stop Dubbaya without causing charges of “gridlock” (which is what the GOP is going to claim anyway in 2008). No, there won’t be ideologically-motivated gridlock. The Demos know better than to poison the well for Hitlary.

And it now definitely will be Hitlary in the driver’s seat for 2008. She got enough of a margin in Noo Yawk to claim mass popularity and get a lot of momentum moving in. It’s just a matter of filling in the final spot on the card. The obvious name to fill in is “Barack Obama”. Now, he doesn’t have to run for the Senate again until 2010, and he’s already acknowledged by all power structures as fitting for the top job. Would he want to trade off actual power in the Senate and actual popularity for John Nance Garner’s “warm bucket of piss”, though? I think he would. He’s a South Side guy. He knows that the risk is worth the reward. He’s telegenic, well-spoken, and the opportunity for history is something that’s always in his mind. It’s the same thing that prompted Independent Senator Joe Lieberman to go for the second-to-the-top. So, yeah, Hitlary-Obama in 2008. That’ll guarantee eight years of peace, prosperity, and the Religious Reich in the margins where they belong. Now we only have to work on outlawing the Republican Party and putting all registered Republicans in concentration camps where they belong. New Mexico or Nevada, maybe?

It was a good day all around. It was unfortunate that same-sex marriage bans passed in numerous states (damn you, Wisconsin, I thought you were better than this), but stem-cell research was approved in Missouri and was the deciding factor in a very close Senate race there (and proved that Michael J. Fox was more powerful than NFL stars). Rick Santorum proved that a one-issue candidate is toast when you take away the issue (but, please, Demos, let’s not make choosing anti-choice candidates a habit, just when it’s necessary). The abominable Mike DeWine is out of a job. Jim Ryun finally lost a race, so, surprise, surprise, Kansas actually felt that someone was too right-wing. Rod the Mod kept the governor’s chair here in Illinois, and Demos virtually swept the statewide offices. Indiana gave a whole passel of House seats to Democrats. And 2000 and 2004 got some revenge with Katherine Harris and Ken Blackwell, the people who stole elections for the Junta, going down in serious flames. There was lots to celebrate.

But there was a great deal to be troubled about as well. Mississippi showed why it has the lowest educational standards in the nation by giving Trent Lott 70% of the vote. Here in the Chicagoland area, the unwarranted, vicious, outright-lying attack ads of Scumbag Peter Roskam gave him a 4000-vote victory over well-spoken, intelligent Iraq veteran Tammy Duckworth, thus proving that you can bring DuPage County voters to the polls, but you can’t make them vote Democrat (that being said, Melissa Bean was able to overcome the equally vicious and even more lying ads of Peter McSleazy…McSweeney to win reelection to the House). Well, Duckworth was running for Henry Hyde’s old seat, and even Roskam’s an improvement over that old flaming bag of shit. We weren’t able to get those close victories in a number of House races in Noo Yawk that would have helped the overall majority. And just to show you that I can be bipartisan, Heath Shuler is now a member of the House of Representatives. Can’t we get a better quarterback in the House? Of course, we’d have to find another one who’s a Democrat, and that’s a problem these days.

Of course, the best news of all was that the election was the main catalyst for Donald Rumsfeld to finally get out as SecDef (no matter what anyone said). Of course, the Junta made it worse by nominating Robert Gates for that position. Here’s the difference between them: Rumsfeld was like your old uncle who always has too much to drink at family functions and ends the night by pissing his pants and trying to do the Electric Slide. Gates is like your outright f*cking scary cousin who has too many tattoos and just got out of the joint for doing something that he’s not willing to talk about. It’s not him being the head of the CIA under Bush Senior that I’m worried about here. It’s the fact that he was DDCI under Bill Casey during the Senile Old Fuck’s regime. He was Casey’s willing accomplice for some of the most egregious acts the CIA ever committed, ones that were against American law. He is not the person I want in charge of the US military, period, especially given the fact that his old target Daniel Ortega is now back in power in Nicaragua. He’s power-hungry in a crazily maniacal way, but he’s subtle about it.

Maybe it’s a trap. If there’s someone who has the power, ability, and connections to take the Junta down, it’s Robert Gates. Dubbaya is too dumb to know this. His dad isn’t, but his appointment of Gates as DCI was a case of cooption. For Dubbaya, it’s just another appointment of some guy who worked for his dad (see Rumsfeld, Cheney, Powell, etc.). Gates can take him down, pure and simple, should he desire. He’s J. Edgar Hoover without the transvestism. Iraq will be almost like a fiefdom to him, the first real chance he’s had to exercise raw, naked power on this scale (and considering he headed the CIA, that’s really saying something). Trust me, the next two years will get a lot worse over there with Gates in charge of the show. After all, it was his think tank that helped get us into this mess in the first place.

Of course, the Democrats are now in a position to stop him, and that’s pretty much the only way that anyone will. The 110th Congress is going to be the best show in the US over the next two years. And I, for one, am going to watch and laugh my ass off as the true impotence of the Junta is finally exposed for what it is. I will then look back on everything that I’ve written since December 2000, all the warnings I gave you, all the alerts that you ignored or dismissed as partisan knee-jerking, tell you “I told you so”, and then laugh, laugh, laugh at your outright stupidity.