How to Make Decisions
Issue 43

We welcome your letters, questions and desperate pleas for help in this uncaring world. As always, e-mail WBXylo at Gmail.com. Don’t fret about e-mailing me with puzzle problems; I won’t yell at you.

Everything I need to know I learned by watching Judge Mathis

The Honorable Judge Greg T. Mathis has, over the years, provided countless hours of entertainment and education. Not only do you get to watch perverts sue crackheads, but maybe, just maybe, you learn something.

Having seen much of this program over the last few years, I will share some of the things which I have gotten to know about the law and life.

Lesson 1: Truth is the best defense for defamation. A person cannot be convicted of slander, if what he/she is saying is correct. If I were to go around to the readers of Inside Pulse and tell them that Lucard has had sex in front of taxidermic Ursidae, it would not be considered defamation.

Lesson 2: It is not defamation if nobody believes you. Were I to write a column accusig Broken Dial’s Greg Wind of secretly being a giraffe, reasonable people would not believe me. His libel case would be unsuccessful.

Lesson 3: It is not defamation to voice your opinion. If you think the President is a crook, and you tell people that you think he is a crook, you are well within your rights to do so.

Lesson 4: Few obligations come from receiving a gift. If you give your girlfriend a stereo, and she breaks up with you the next day, she can keep the stereo. She owes you nothing in return.

Lesson 5: Engagement rings are conditional gifts. Things change if, in lieu of a stereo, you gave your girlfriend an engagement ring. An engagement ring, legally, comes with an implied contract. If the marriage does not occur, an ex-fiancee is obligated to return said ring.

Lesson 6: You break it, maybe you don’t buy it. Let’s look at a scenario. Bob lends Joe his car for the weekend. If the car breaks down, or Joe gets into an accident, Joe might not owe anything to Bob. Joe will only be obligated to fix Bob’s car if Bob can show that the damage to said car was caused by Joe’s negligence.

Lesson 7: Don’t be a crackhead. This one really explains itself.

Lesson 8: Call the police. If somebody threatens you, harasses you, damages your property, or assaults you, call the authorities. File a police report. Don’t assume that the police are out to get you. Don’t worry about being a snitch. Protecting yourself is worth running the risk of being called a tattletale.

Lesson 9: Come to court prepared. If you are suing somebody, make sure you know what you talking about. Dates, exact numbers, and other pieces of evidence should all be handy.

Lesson 10: Never lie to Judge Mathis; you won’t get away with it.

Quote of the Week

It is better to light a candle than curse the darkness.
-adage

This Week’s Puzzle (difficulty: caffeinated)

Jigna takes her coffee with cream. When she goes out to a restaurant she never drinks her coffee before she gets her food. She wants her coffee to be as hot as possible when she drinks it.

Jigna is given a cup of coffee, well before her food is to arrive. When should she add the cream, and why?

Last Week’s Puzzle (difficulty: Spicy)

The Case of the Case.

Polish is an interesting word. Its pronunciation is dependent on the case of its first letter. Take for instance the sentence:

The Polish cleaner needs to polish the floor.

There is a similar word that changes pronunciation with case. When capitalized, it is a name. When this word starts with a lower case letter, you might find it on your spice rack.

What is this word?

(Bonus points for any other words that similarly shift pronunciation.)

Many people came up with the correct answer, Basil/basil. Sadly, no one came up with any additional examples.

Last 5 posts by ML Kennedy

• How to Make Decisions (72) - June 19th, 2007
• How to Make Decisions (71) - June 12th, 2007
• How To Make Decisions (70) - June 5th, 2007
• How to Make Decisions (69) - May 29th, 2007
• How to Make Decisions (68) - May 21st, 2007