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Weekend TV Update: Where Will The Real World End Up?
By Steve Coogan - March 18, 2004 | Email the author

OPENING CREDITS: Quotes of the Week

Jacquese, the doctor?

While “Survivor,” “The Apprentice,” and Jessica Simpson grab
all the reality show headlines, MTV’s newest season of “The
Real World” is quietly chugging along producing all sorts
of fun situations never seen before including multiple characters
being arrested and sent to jail for a night. That also includes
a male cast member, in this case, Randy, meeting a nice girl
who happens to have a fake tooth. However, before that, there
was some debate about whether or not Randy was “hooking up
with” (making out) with the girl with the fake tooth. This
is when fellow cast member, Jacquese offered his infinite
wisdom saying Randy was definitely kissing the girl. Jacquese
knew this because according to him:

I am a bootyologist.

Do you need a Ph.D for that?

* * *

A Funny Reality Commentator

Speaking of “The Real World” Entertainment Weekly‘s
Josh Wolk writes some hilarious summaries of the MTV show
on the magazine’s website, EW.com. In regards to Brad, who’s
quickly established himself as the idiot of the house, Wolk
had this to say when Brad announced that his on-again, off-again
main squeeze was going to be visiting him for the weekend
in San Diego, where the show is filmed.

Even though he and his girlfriend Andrea ostensibly
split up, on the March 9 episode of ”The Real World” she
came to visit him for a weekend. Brad had mixed emotions about
her visit, saying, ”It could totally start messing with my
head again.” (To put this in perspective, here are some other
things that mess with Brad’s head: putting things in alphabetical
order; trying to remember not to swallow his gum; and the
concept of ”lefty-loosey, righty-tighty.”)

That made me laugh out loud…

* * *

Happy St. Patrick’s Day!

Conan O’Brien, host of NBC’s “Late Night with Conan O’Brien,”
had this witty joke to contribute to his monologue for the
show aired on the night of St. Patrick’s Day.

Today is St. Patrick’s Day. That means if you’re Irish
and you’re watching this show, it means you have a television
in your bathroom…

I think he’s implying that all of us Irishmen vomit continuously
on St. Patrick’s Day. I have no idea what he’s talking about…

TV HEADLINES: “CSI,” “The Real World,” The Fox network,
The “Wardrobe Malfunction,” and “The Donald.”

“CSI: New York” has its star…and some other interesting
twists…

As I discussed in last week’s Groove Tube Update, CBS and
Oscar nominee and Emmy winner, Gary Sinise were in on-again,
off-again negotiations for the actor to star on the network’s
second “CSI” spin-off invading NBC’s “Law & Order” territory:
New York City. Well, according to multiple sources, the deal
is done. Sinise will be paid in the neighborhood of $150,000
per episode to bring forensics investigator, Rick Carlucci
to the small screen. Sinise will first play the character
in May when Horatio Caine (David Caruso) heads to New York
City meet Carlucci to solve a crime that has roots there.

According to Zap2it which quoted a CBS statement,
Carlucci will be a “dedicated and driven crime scene investigator.”
Other sources, including Variety and Entertainment
Weekly
have indicated that Carlucci is driven the way
he is in part because he lost his wife during the September
11th attacks on New York City and Washington D.C. Whether
that means he’s motivated to work as much as possible to try
and forget about her death or to avenge it (definitely two
distinct separate type of personality traits) is a separate
matter that will probably be fleshed out as the series progresses.

In a related story, “CSI” creator, Anthony Zuiker gave a
pretty revealing interview to Toronto’s The Globe and Mail
about the new show and his rapidly developing franchise as
well.

First, Zuiker is working with disabled “CSI” member, Robert
David Hall, who lost both his legs during a trucking accident
in the 1970s, to hire a “forensics guru” who will be a male
in a wheelchair and one of the show’s main characters. The
creator realizes the value of this type of casting stating
in the newspaper interview:

David and I have put our heads together to have a [forensic]
guru be an actor in a wheelchair. This person will have an important
role in “CSI: New York.” This show is going to really break
new ground in television.

David Hall’s been trying to [gain acceptance for the disabled
in film and TV] for 30 years. All that work has paid off because
I’m going to be the one to push it through with his assistance.
This character is as important to me as casting the lead actor,
on an emotional level. He’ll be a genius in a wheelchair.

That certainly is an interesting development and a marked
step forward for the physically disabled. However, I am interested
to know whether or not it matters. I say that because while
critics, historians, and disabled advocates will mark this
as a significant contribution to the history of American television,
I don’t think it will matter all that much unless writers
focus a great deal of time focusing on the character’s disability.
I don’t believe viewers will be very affected by the physical
limitations of the character. People tune in because they
like the characters and they like the stories being told not
because those same characters are in a wheelchair. If the
show is worth tuning into, the viewers will come regardless.
The advances Zuiker is making in representing the disabled
on television are remarkable and should be noted and commended.
However, the bottom line is that the show should be compelling
and entertaining.

Zuiker also made an interesting point regarding character
development on the newest “CSI” and the difference between
its predecessors other crime dramas. He stated:

“CSI: New York” will be a much more character-driven type
of show. It’ll be a forensic, procedural drama. We’ll open
the characters up more. There will be more music and we’ll
be able to get to the bottom of these people much quicker.

That’s certainly a refreshing departure to hear about since
these types of shows are always so much more about solving
the crime than learning anything about the characters. It’s
occasionally done on “Law & Order” to some degree, it’s engaging,
but at the same time it’s such a radical departure, it’s slightly
hard to accept and get into as well, especially since it probably
won’t be done again for a long time. So, that is what makes
this potential development on “CSI: New York” so intriguing.
We’ll be able to answer the questions – “Does it work?” and
also to some degree, “Does it matter?”

This also leads to another similar point original “CSI” cast
member and executive producer, William Petersen made about
the show noted in The Globe & Mail article. Several
critics (including myself if you’re comfortable labeling me
as such) have agreed with some of statements Petersen has
made public about his concern of turning the show into such
a “fast food franchise” and essentially “thinning out of the
brand.” Zuiker is not terribly concerned about it telling
the newspaper: “Three (“CSI”s) might be it. But my philosophy
is, if Dick Wolf can do four “Law & Orders”, why can’t Anthony
Zuiker?”

If Zuiker can continue to distinctly separate the shows and
offer unique storytelling and production elements, I don’t
see why he can’t. It’s a pretty fine line he needs to straddle
though and I’m still unsure it’s good for television to saturate
the schedule with shows of the same name and concept.

We’ll see in the fall (and beyond) if it matters though…

Fox reshuffles its primetime lineup

According to several stories posted on TVBarn.com and Zap2it,
Fox will be reshuffling their primetime lineup to accommodate
new shows and current poor performing shows.

The stories stated that “The Bernie Mac Show” will be moved
from its cushy 8:30 Sunday timeslot following “The Simpsons”
and instead will anchor Monday nights airing at 8:00 right
before the new Molly Shannon/Jason Schwartzman psychological
comedy, “Cracked Up” which will be broadcast at 8:30.

Also, to create an entirely different Monday night, Fox plans
to debut the new “‘Extreme Makeover’ meets Miss America” (according
to Zap2it) reality show after “American Idol” on April
7th and permanently move it to Mondays the following week
on April 12th. It appears the network is expecting big things
from the show despite the slightly risky premise.

In addition, to make room for “The Swan” Fox has moved the
dreadfully low rated “potentially never-ending unscripted
show,” “Forever Eden” to the black hole that has become Thursdays
at 9:00 competing against CBS’ “CSI” and NBC’s “The Apprentice.”
The show does not appear to be facing imminent cancellation
with the move, but the network does expect very little from
the current ratings disaster.

Finally, since “Bernie Mac” will be moved to attempt to anchor
Monday nights, its 8:30 Sunday timeslot will be replaced by
a second episode of “The Simpsons.”

In looking at the moves, it appears they all make good sense.
What I find particularly interesting is that the network is
giving ample opportunity for “Forever Eden” and “Cracked Up”
to find an audience and perhaps be long running series on
the network. That isn’t astonishing considering the initial
success surrounding “Cracked Up” (it attracted approximately
10 million people in its first episodes aired as a lead-out
for “American Idol”). However, it is more so in regards to
“Forever Eden” since it has fallen flat on its face to this
point securing a distant fourth place finish in its 9:00 Monday
flat barely outdrawing shows on the WB and UPN. I suppose
the network doesn’t want to give up on a show “that could
go on forever” in just four to six weeks. Since the idea of
new shows every week might attract a larger audience during
the summer repeat season, Fox may be a little more patient
with this show’s development. However, they better get Toni
from “Love Cruise” and “Paradise Island” or some other strong,
familiar personality to hit that show quick. Even the people
that THINK they have strong personalities are boring as hell.

The Janet statute: a little less than two months I guess…

Apparently network executives are ready to FORGIVE Janet
Jackson for the most famous “wardrobe malfunction” in the
history of both the fashion and television industries. I suppose
we all should take note in case we get famous and show our
breast on national television in front of millions of people.
If you do that, you should be expecting to be shunned by the
television people for a period no less than six weeks, but
probably not more than two months.

The Super Bowl (i.e. the Halftime Show that apparently shook
the moral foundation of American society) took place on February
8th. Since then, Janet Jackson and Justin Timberlake have
been avoiding the cameras and any significant publicity. Well,
that is until March 29th when she appears on David Letterman’s
“The Late Show,” ironically on the same network that broadcast
the Super Bowl and the infamous breast, CBS, according to
Zap2it. The article also stated that Jackson’s appearance
on Letterman will be the first of multiple televised appearances
promoting her new album and probably talking about her breasts.
In addition to a previously announced appearance on NBC’s
“Saturday Night Live” on April 10th, the pop music superstar
will also perform on March 31st on ABC’s “Good Morning America”
and make an April 2nd appearance on the syndicated show “On
Air with Ryan Seacrest.”

My prediction is that once she makes her appearances on all
of these various television programs and talks about what
happened at the Super Bowl, the public will largely forget
about the incident, but the politicians lobbying for higher
decency standards will continue to talk about it until their
lips and tongues are numb.

Don’t FUCK with the UNION!

Several sources including the AP and Zap2it have produced
stories of MTV’s and Bunim/Murray Productions’ decision to
pull the upcoming season of “The Real World” from the Philadelphia,
the (supposed) “City of Brotherly Love,” due to a dispute
with some local organizations.

Specifically, the producers were having problems with local
construction unions in regards to fixing up the Seamen’s Church
Institute in Philadelphia’s Old City. MTV wanted to hire non-union
workers, where as the city of Philadelphia was adamantly against
that. When the cable network went ahead and hired the non-union
construction workers to avoid potentially long negotiations,
the union actually picketed the location and made it as difficult
as possible for MTV to get done what it needed. The fact that
the problems have occurred is a bit surprising considering
that similar organizations in other union-heavy cities like
New York, Boston, and Chicago have been tolerant of the work
getting done. Apparently, Philadelphia is a bit different.
So, instead of dealing with the hassles associated with staying
there, the producers pulled out and are scouting a new location.

What will that location be?

Well, an article in the Austin (Texas) Business Journal
indicated that the director of the Austin Film Office, Gary
Bond, was approached by one of the show’s supervising producers
and asked about the union situation in that area in case they
choose that city to film in.

According to that publication, a publicist working for Bunim/Murray
Productions largely (but not entirely) denied the report.
Also, I would argue that the contact made by the producer
was largely exploratory in nature and doesn’t necessarily
mean that “The Real World” will be setting roots and they
are still investigating multiple locations.

Peter Van Allen, the journalist from the Austin Business
Journal
who wrote the story about the initial contact,
noted that Austin has received a great deal of attention as
an up-and-coming city. In addition to hosting the South By
Southwest music, film and interactive festival, it is also
is home to champion cyclist Lance Armstrong, movie directors
Richard Linklater and Robert Rodriguez, and “King of the Hill”
and “Beavis & Butthead” creator Mike Judge.

We’ll see if it’s enough to reel the reality show in…

Here’s a fun question, what other cities would be good (or
interesting) locations to set long running reality series?
After all, since it’s already been filmed in 12 different
cities you might think they would be running out of locales.
Here are some of my choices and the odds they would film there:

Dallas/Austin – 2:1 – I put this area up top primarily
because Bunim/Murray has already established contact with
people in the area. Also, I’d love to see the show adapt some
“southern flavor.” Maybe the cast could run a BBQ joint?

Toronto – 3:1 – It’s a beautiful city, especially
during the summer, there is a lot to do, and it’s a bustling
area for various industries. Besides, I bet MTV will love
the Canadian exchange rate there.

Atlanta – 5:1 – The weather is nice all-year-round,
there is a lot of industry there, and hey, perhaps they can
get a job trying to get people to show up to regular season
games for the local sports teams? Nah, that’d be a bit TOO
hard.

Baltimore/Washington D.C. – 6:1 – Some might perceive
the Baltimore docks and our nation’s capital to be boring,
but it’s really a beautiful area with a lot going on and would
be a great situation for MTV and “The Real World.” Plus, there
is a smokin’ bar scene there. And maybe they can intern on
Capitol Hill?

Denver – 8:1 – This would be a good city at any time
of the year. It’s nice in Colorado in the spring and summer
and the crew could work at a ski resort during the winter.
Then they could whine about how cold it is there.

Vancouver – 10:1 – See my description for Toronto.
Except, this is lower on the list because MTV produced that
ridiculous spoof movie based on “The Real World: Vancouver.”

Phoenix – 20:1 – I think it would be funny to see
the cast member bitching about the heat the whole five months
they are there.

Nashville – 25:1 – Maybe MTV could bring a little
country flavor to its most famous reality show? Well…..maybe
not…

Detroit – 50:1 – Are there any redeeming qualities
about Detroit? Anyone want to answer that? Will the cast members
work for the Ford Motor Company or for one of the professional
sports teams?

Jamaica – 100:1 – “The Real World” already gets enough
flack for not resembling “real” life since the cast members
live in a lavish house and have decent, fun jobs handed to
them. Shipping them to an exotic location won’t exactly help
that designation too much…

*** Quick Hits ***

***JON STEWART!! 4 MORE YEARS!!! – In a move that
isn’t terribly surprising, Jon Stewart, Host, Writer, and
Executive Producer, of Comedy Central’s “The Daily Show” has
signed a brand new four-year contract that will keep the comedian/satirical
newscaster on the air until the end of 2008.

Stewart, in a statement released by the network and in an
AP story, quipped that signing may not have been a good idea
after all. He said in jest:

A lot of people like to get out when their show’s still
going well. This gives me the opportunity to beat this thing
into the ground.

I think we can all nervously chuckle at that statement hoping
that it doesn’t resemble the truth. The AP story also noted
that the original weeknight 11:00 PM EST airing garners an
average of one million viewers, a number that has steadily
increased over time.

This is pretty cool that a show based on “Saturday Night
Live’s” Weekend Update skit has developed into a smart and
relevant show while also producing hilarious moments and quotes
that are often repeated by fans and other media sources looking
to fill their quote pages.

Some may wonder why Stewart doesn’t try to take his talents
back to a regular late night gig like he had in the early
1990s. I think his time may come again and he could move into
one of the coveted network slots. However, if it doesn’t or
if he decides to stay on basic cable, he will still be able
to look back on his experiences and be pretty damn proud.

*** “The Apprentice” and Donald Trump News – Just
in case you haven’t figured it out yet, Donald Trump (some
dopes call him “The Donald”) is a VERY shrewd business man
who is worth hundreds of millions of dollars. Yet another
example of that has taken shape as Mr. Trump has started the
process of securing a trademark on the term “You’re fired!”
according to the New York Post. It certainly isn’t
a revolutionary term as it’s been said for decades (especially
on television shows), but no one has ever tried to place a
trademark and own it for him/herself. That is until now since
Mr. Trump says it at the end of each episode of the new reality
hit “The Apprentice.” Once the process is complete, then people
who want to use the term publicly will have to pay royalties
on it. I think that once that process is complete, the term,
“We’re going to have to let you go…” will be the popular way
to relieve someone of his/her professional duties.

In other news, local newspapers across the country have been
running stories about the various open casting calls for “The
Apprentice 2.” Those casting calls have taken place in cities
such as New York City, Boston, Chicago, Los Angeles and even
smaller cities such as Omaha, NE. They have all have been
covered by local media and all featured thousands of people
looking to be one of the 16 contestants on the next edition
of the NBC reality show. The network and producer Mark Burnett
have not set the date when the new season will begin, but
I would be surprised if it wasn’t a new addition to the Fall
2004-05 schedule.

***More celebrities playing bad poker COMING UP!
Well, if you liked Bravo’s first “Celebrity Poker Showdown,”
get ready for twice as much as the cable network plans a 12
episode season featuring two separate tournaments with 25
celebrities each. Why do I get the feeling that we’ll be seeing
former reality show cast members, CNN newscasters, Erik Estrada,
and Nipsey Russell involved in this production?

Anyway, the rules from the first tournament won’t change.
There will be five different celebrities taking part in five
different games with the winner advancing to the final winner’s
game where, at that point, the victorious celebrity will win
$100,000 for the charity of their choosing.

Besides the different celebrities and the two concurrent
tournaments, the show will also feature a new host, Dave Foley
of “Kids in the Hall” and “NewsRadio” fame. He will replace
actor Kevin Pollak. According to Zap2it, Foley had
this to say:

I am excited to be working with Bravo and “Celebrity Poker.”
I wanted to be on “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy,” but apparently
I did not meet the requirements for either category.

Anyway…the doubling of the episode order isn’t a shock considering
that Bravo attracted a very respectable (for basic cable)
1.7 million viewers for the final episode where the adorable
Nicole Sullivan (“MadTV” and “The King of Queens”) won $100,000
for an alley cat charity. I guess cancer, AIDS, and diabetes
have all been cured already.

Amazingly, the news story described the rules of “Celebrity
Poker Showdown,” discussed Dave Foley’s career but didn’t
say when the new season was going to start. I guess we’ll
all be surprised at the same time…

***Marge Simpson – Sex Goddess? – Finally, I’m not
sure if this is a sign that all men who would like this are
perverts or that “The Simpsons” can enter any lexicon of popular
culture it wants.
Either way, it gives me the willies…

CLOSING CREDITS: Mr. Coogan revisits Fox’s “Arrested
Development.”

I wrote a long column for the 411movies section last fall
reviewing several television shows that were new to the Fox
fall schedule. “A Minute with Stan Hooper” failed miserably
and has already been canceled and “Tru Calling” has been moderately
successful despite tough Thursday night competition and is
also returning after a fairly lengthy hiatus with new episodes.

However, the jury is still out on “Arrested Development,”
a low rated, but critically acclaimed comedy currently holding
down the 9:30 Sunday timeslot directly following “Malcolm
in the Middle.” Several publications (including The Wall
Street Journal
and the New York Post) brought the
show some extra attention this week since Fox was trying to
help the show out by broadcasting a bonus new episode after
the Wednesday results edition of “American Idol.” That was
Fox’s way of trying to get the rest of America to take notice
of what the critics have already noticed…and grown to love.

So, I thought that I would jump on the bandwagon and re-run
the review I wrote back in the Fall and comment that and the
show’s current standing as well.

It’s kind of interesting to review a show and then go back
to it to think about how the show has developed…

The last Fox show I wanted to address for this column
is the new Jason Bateman led sit-com, “Arrested Development.”
Who knew that there would be a time where we would utter those
words again? After Teen Wolf Too, I thought poor Jason would
be strictly relegated to dinner theatre projects in the Central
and Mountain time zones. For his sake, it’s a good thing I
was wrong. Jason is back and it looks like he’s made a pretty
good choice to return to prime time television with this new
project.

This particular new show is about the dysfunctional Bluth
family and the major corruption that exists at the Bluth Development
Company, a multi-million corporation devoted to real estate.
Michael Bluth (Bateman) has faithfully worked for his dad’s
company for ten years only to get passed over when dad (played
by Jeffrey Tambor) named his wife the CEO when he decided
to get out of the position. This was certainly a bit of a
travesty to Michael who subjected himself and his young teenage
son (wasn’t Bateman a teenage hunk not too long ago?) George
Michael (Michael Cera) to live in the attic of one of the
model houses so standard human living would not ruin it. Once
this happened, Michael was fed up and was close to moving
to Arizona to take a job with another developer. Considering
the characters in his family, I probably would have too.

His mother, Lucille (Jessica Walter) is a spoiled socialite
stealing money from the company to feed her spoiled, rich
girl needs. His twin sister, Lindsay (played by “Ally McBeal’s”
Portia de Rossi) steals money from the company to host wine
and cheese parties for unusual charities with her dweeb of
a husband, Tobias (played by the underrated David Cross) and
her daughter “Maeby” who has a fascination with making out
with her cousin George Michael in order to get attention.
George Bluth II (Will Arnett) is a part-time magician who
has never had a real job and youngest brother Buster (Tony
Hale) steals money from the company so he can be a full-time
graduate student pursuing unnecessary and useless degrees.
This coupled with his frequent intense panic attacks and penchant
for giving uncomfortable, intimate back massages to his family
make him the cherry on top of this sundae of freaks and thieves.

The Securities and Exchange Commission eventually catches
on to the accounting practices of the Bluth Development Company
and dad gets arrested and is sent to jail to await trial.
Of course, the family is more concerned when they are alerted
that their expense account is frozen than when they find out
dad is stuck in jail. That pretty much sums up pettiness of
the majority of the family. Bateman’s character, Michael,
ends up staying with dad’s company and moves into one of the
model homes with his twin sister, her husband and daughter
setting up future family “fun”…we think.

Two final points about the show: First, the pilot utilized
an unusual tactic to introduce the cast of characters and
to set the situation for the viewers: a narrator. I’ve read
in several places several times from several authors that
if a film/television director needs a narrator to tell a story,
then there is a major problem with what’s being shown on screen.
Supposedly, it’s unnecessary and excessive. Most of the time,
I would agree with that statement. However, in this case,
the narrator helped the audience get to know the characters
and the situation quickly. This allowed the characters themselves
make jokes based on their traits as described by the narrator.
It proved to be significantly helpful in this case. I will
say this though. If the production and creative staff feel
the need to utilize the narrator on a regular basis, I think
it will definitely lose its effectiveness and become more
of an unnecessary nuisance than an admirable guide to the
story.

Finally, with the first show ending the way it did, the
question that needs to be addressed is “What direction is
this going in?” I assume it will revolve around the misadventures
of the other dopey family members while Bateman’s character
(and to a lesser degree, his son), will be the “voice(s) of
reason,” but it isn’t overly clear. The writing is fairly
effective, but I can’t decide if I think the characters are
just strange and wacky in their own unique ways or if they
just plain suck. Several critics I have read believe this
show has promise and should be given a chance to find its
niche. I agree with the latter but am unsure about the former.
This is another show I am willing to have another helping
of before dumping it in the garbage.

Where the show stands now…

When I first wrote this review, I was still amazed by the
fact that Jason Bateman was reappearing on network television
again. I figured he would be more likely to appear on an “Entertainment
Tonight” “Where are they now?” type segment than anchoring
a prime-time comedy. Well, that fascination has largely worn
off in my eyes and if it existed in the minds of TV critics,
it’s gone as well.

Instead of wondering about Bateman, I think it’s best to
look at the show itself and accept it as its own entity instead
of a vehicle for one of the stars. That’s not what it’s about
at all. I wondered where the show could go from the pilot
and the first couple of episodes. One might think that the
characters on the show would finally start to realize of their
financial difficulties and the comedy would largely dissipate.

Thankfully, that’s not the case…

Michael (Bateman) and his son George Michael (Cera) remain
the lone voices of reason in the Bluth family and the rest
of the spoiled family continue to be clueless people still
attempting to live a lavish lifestyle that they had no right
to live to begin with. Unlike other sit-coms the comedy is
both funny and understated. Unlike other shows (especially
those with obnoxious laugh tracks), the joke is firmly planted
and the nice audience is supposed to laugh whether it’s funny
or not. In this show, the comedy isn’t dreadfully obvious
and it isn’t handed to the viewer on a silver platter. Some
critics consider the comedy to be more “sophisticated” and
“grown-up.” That may be true to some degree, but a designation
of that nature also implies it’s a more “high-brow” and almost
“snooty” type of comedy that may turn people off before watching
it. I believe the comedy can appeal to a mass audience if
they choose to give it a chance, which has been a big problem
to this point usually securing the smallest audience of the
Sunday night Fox shows airing after 8:00.

As for the narrator, it’s tastefully worked into the script
usually used when the direction moves onto a different scene
involving different characters. Besides, it’s kind of cool
that an Academy Award winning director lends his voice to
the television show from his production company. If you don’t
know who I’m talking about, maybe you should tune in and see
who I’m referring to…

So, change the channel and I hope you…

Enjoy the Show!

Steve Coogan also
writes for the 411mania.

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