Last December around this time, I put
together a column highlighting the ten best and worst WWE
moments of the year. These lists were merely reflections of
my own personal opinions, and the responses I received were
tremendous and fun to read.

To me, it’s important to look back on
the year and reminisce about good times and bad, and since
this is something I do every year in order to analyze and
reprioritize my life, I figured it would be somewhat cathartic
and beneficial to make last year’s piece the first of a new
tradition, as opposed to a one-time thing.

So without further rambling, here are
2003′s Best & Worst WWE moments. 2003′s BEST …

1. Best battle rapper: John Cena.

He talks smack whether face or heel,
Forget Jericho he’s the highlight
reel,
He punks guys out like he’s Ashton
Kutcher
Ripping through the roster like
a superstar butcher
John Cena has emerged as a breakout
star
You can’t see him whether near or
far
In the New Year he’ll be a huge
hit
John Cena most definitely is the
…

2. Best surprise division: The
Women’s Division on Raw. For the first time, I have paid close
attention to women’s wrestling matches, and not because of
scantily clad outfits. Many of the women on Raw held their
own 2003, especially the quartet of Molly Holly, Victoria,
Lita and Trish Stratus. These four have proven to me that
while being sexy is enough to get over, being good in the
ring is what it takes to become respected rather than objectified.

3. Best performance by a former Tough
Enough contestant: Linda Miles, a.k.a. Shaniqua. Even
though there isn’t much to choose from (Maven and Matt Morgan
have been disappointing (to say the least), Jackie Gayda is
relatively unknown aside from ass-less pants and nipple slips,
and Nidia was much better last year), I will give Linda Miles
credit for becoming a serviceable mid-carder. She gives the
Bashams that little extra eccentric something that all superstars
should possess, and she definitely doesn’t back down when
she’s needed to interfere in matches. Her performance is probably
a B or a B plus at best, but that adequate mark certainly
beats out the other Tough Enough characters by a landslide.

4. Best use of foreshadowing for 2004:
Kane helps Vince McMahon bury The Undertaker alive. In 2004,
it seems that The Undertaker will be coming back to WWE as
the Lord of Darkness. Kane’s interference in the Vince-Taker
match was not surprising, but sometimes there is too much
stock put into shocking moments that burn out quickly. While
I have admittedly gotten sick of seeing feuds between Kane
and the Undertaker, both characters will have evolved (or
reverted back) enough in 2004 to make for an interesting storyline.
In this case, the history and the back-story between Kane
and the Undertaker can enhance this angle into something that
truly goes beyond one match. I would like to see WWE be smart
about the way they progress with Kane and The Undertaker’s
impending encounters, by treating the fans as people who can
(and do) remember or at least be reminded of events from long
ago that have unfolded between two superstars. It will be
up to the announcers, the interviewers, the characters, and
the writing staff to ensure a successful resurrection and
resolution to this longstanding battle.

5. Best improved performance by a wrestler
I previously shunned: The Big Show. For one reason or
another, I have always been down on the Big Show. Maybe it
was because he once resorted to smoking a cigarette while
coming down to the ring during his WCW days, or perhaps it
was the inevitable backlash that comes with a sorry excuse
for a WWF title defense against the Big Boss Man. In 2003,
however, the big nasty bastard has hit his stride, both as
a true force in the ring, and even as a comedic heel counterpoint
to guys like Eddie Guerrero and John Cena. Either way, the
Big Show is finally generating dividends worth more than his
weight, and coming from a lifetime Big Show critic that should
be considered a gigantic complement.

6. Best exploitation of American foreign
politics: La Resistance. Aside from being awfully young
and green, and despite the fact that they have already undergone
almost as many personnel changes than Destiny’s Child, La
Resistance has emerged this year due to WWE’s invocation of
the tried and true bad guy formula: “If they are from a country
Americans don’t like right now, the fans will boo them incessantly.”
All the team needs now to really put them over the top is
a veteran presence to guide them. Does anyone else see Jacque
Rougeau as the ideal manager?

7. Best new finishing move: Randy
Orton’s RKO. Obviously similar to the Stunner and the Diamond
Cutter, Orton’s RKO is nevertheless a nice, quickly accessible
finisher that is already fun to watch.

8. Best international visit: The
WWE Smackdown! roster visits the troops in Iraq. Even though
it’s yet to hit the air (December 25, 9:00 pm, UPN), I have
already set my VCR to tape this two-hour episode of Smackdown!
I actually believe that for once in his life, Vince McMahon
has cast business aside and exhibited sincerity towards his
desire to entertain the troops in Iraq who defend our country
every day. Spending Christmas in a war zone is no great shakes,
and I applaud Vince and all of the Smackdown! superstars who
traveled to Iraq to provide a sense of holiday cheer and escapism
through wrestling to those who need it most.

9. Best Raw performance: Shawn
Michaels. Still not great on the microphone, but HBK has shown
consistency in the ring like no one else on Raw in 2003. He
constantly carries younger guys to good matches, and he is
one of if not the greatest ring psychologists of all-time.
His timing within the contexts of his matches remains impeccable,
and it seems as though Shawn Michaels’ back is holding up
just fine. He also performs at most house shows, creating
an intimacy with fans that still remains foreign to part-time
stagehands like Goldberg.

10. Best Smackdown! performance:
Chris Benoit. Under the radar throughout the year, Benoit
has had a really good year yet again. I guess consistency
is my biggest sticking point this time around, and the Canadian
Crippler certainly exudes that quality more than virtually
anyone else in the industry.

2003′s WORST …

1. Worst misuse of a character:
Lance Storm. I still don’t understand how someone so talented
and loyal to the company constantly gets thrown into less
than desirable situations.

2. Worst performance by a McMahon:
Vince vs. Zach Gowen and Mr. America. This gimmick was hokey
and awkward from the beginning, and as much as I respect Zach’s
innate heart and courage, I am still not sure of his ability
to have a sustained career in WWE. The problems with this
angle, however, have nothing to do with the one-legged wrestler.
In fact, whoever created Mr. America needs to spend a few
weeks in the stocks of the town village, so that he can be
mercilessly scoffed at and ridiculed. Who did you think you
were fooling, anyway?

3. Worst stipulation: Steiner puts
his “services” on the line against Test. While the end result
was Steiner’s heel turn (which I liked), there had to have
been a better way than this. And when Test said he was going
to make Steiner his bitch, I immediately had flashbacks of
Chuck and Billy. After all, as we (unfortunately) know, Steiner
does like to wear thongs, and maybe part of “Big Poppa Pump”
wanted Test to come through with his homoerotic promise.

4. Worst World Heavyweight Champion:
Tie: Triple H and Goldberg. He works part-time and still gets
the belt back over Goldberg. Not that big Bill was that much
better, since he shunned house shows most of the time and
argued over money he doesn’t really need. Both wrestlers are
not the right answer, and the question still remains the same:
Who (if any) of the younger and fresher talent on Raw will
actually be given the chance to shine at the top? From the
looks of it, no one anytime soon.

5. Worst copout: Nathan Jones
quits Smackdown! I didn’t like the former Australian prisoner
very much anyway, but to just up and leave the company in
the middle of a significant mid-card push is a slap in the
face to the people who never get that kind of chance.

6. Worst Steroid job: Still Dave
Batista.

7. Worst change in entrance music:
Christian. There was nothing wrong with the first change,
and I kind of miss the more operatic and eccentric theme.

8. Worst extended vignette: Eric
Bischoff sneaks off to visit and violate Linda McMahon at
her Stamford, CT home. I generally like Bischoff’s character,
but this one was just too far out of the two realms of entertainment
and believability.

9. Worst Raw performance: Maven.
Maven would work much better as a heel right now, for the
simple fact that no one gives a flying f%$# about anything
he does. The fact that he still doesn’t have a viable finisher
should be an indication as to the amount of faith the company
has in the first Tough Enough winner.

10. Worst Smackdown! performance:
Tie: Roddy Piper and Mr. America. With his brief stint on
Smackdown!, the Hot Rod managed to show how little he had
left in the tank. The fact that Sean O’Haire has been banished
to Velocity ever since also hasn’t sat well with me at all
in terms of Piper’s influence on the show. Meanwhile, Hulk
Hogan donned in a red, white, and blue mask doing the same
(increasingly) old routine just didn’t do it for me. As minuscule
a detail as it seems, it’s just not the same without the red
and yellow.

I hope you enjoyed this now-annual special
edition of Counterfeit Pennies, featuring my own humble opinions
as to 2003′s Best and Worst WWE moments. Feel free to share
your own thoughts with me by emailing them to chris411wrestling@yahoo.com.

That’s all for now … PEACE.

Chris Biscuiti also writes for the
Black
and Wrestling
Zones on 411Mania.com, and you can check out more of
his rantings and ravings on his 411
Black Log.

Last 5 posts by Chris Biscuiti

• News Analysis: This is Not a Wrestling Story - June 26th, 2007
• Rime of the Super Mario - April 5th, 2005
• A Secret Crept - March 29th, 2005
• To Be A Protagonist - March 21st, 2005
• The Phone Number Attached - March 15th, 2005