For this column, I was originally
going to do a write-up featuring the ten best and worst professional
wrestling gimmick matches of all-time. The reason I usually
like to keep my wrestling columns shorter than most is two-fold:

First, my main desire to get my thoughts
and opinions about wrestling out there to begin with is because
I like to write for the sake of triggering discussion and
debate between readers, friends and myself. My favorite part
of this gig is reading and answering responses to the topics
I present, and I find that the less I write the more the reader
will respond with his or her own unique perspective on a presented
theme. I try to get your creative juices flowing enough so
that you want to provide feedback, but I don’t want to burn
you out before you have the chance to respond by giving too
much to ponder in one sitting.

Second, I figure that a minimalist approach
generally works best in the Internet wrestling community because
411 readers seem to have so many other intriguing opinions
to sort through and sites to visit that I don’t want to take
up too much of their online time with my columns.

With all of that said, there are certain
exceptions I like to make, especially when I feel a topic
is worth researching and discussing at greater length than
my usual opining. This column is one of those exceptions.

I decided to write about the topic of
gimmick matches because with Kane’s reemergence in WWE, many
people I have talked to since last Monday’s episode of Raw
believe an Inferno match would fit perfectly into the current
storyline involving the Big Red Machine.

When I heard the idea of an Inferno match
being brought into the picture, it got me thinking about all
of the different gimmick matches I could remember viewing
and whether or not I thought they were innovative and/or entertaining.
After a little while of pondering I had a logical little thought:
Why not make this my next column for 411?

Now, I usually stray away from looking
at wrestling from a historical perspective, primarily because
there are so many others on this site alone who do it much
better than me; also, I feel my forte as an Internet wrestling
columnist is commentary on contemporary storyline/character
developments. Again, I made an exception on this point because
I felt that past gimmicks needed to be analyzed in order to
remind us all why we love wrestling, and in many instances,
why we feel the need to criticize that which we love.

To help with the history that goes beyond
my normal repertoire of wrestling knowledge, I called upon
my friend The Roach to hook me up with his own perspective
on some of the best and worst gimmick matches of all-time.
The result is a more comprehensive and sensible list, which
is printed below for your viewing pleasure.

Keep in mind that all of your feedback
is encouraged, and that you can send me your own thoughts
about gimmick matches via email by clicking on the email link
at the bottom of the page.

Enjoy!

Pro Wrestling’s Best Gimmick
Matches

—Iron Man match: Why do I like this
type of match? Bret Hart vs. Shawn Michaels. Any questions?

—Best of Seven Series: Chris Benoit
vs. Booker T was some of the best WCW work ever done.

—Inferno match: Even freakier when Kane
is involved.

—Hell In The Cell: Mick Foley made these
matches even better, and he proved once and for all that you
didn’t even win the match to win the match, if you
catch my drift.

—Steel Cage match: Especially in the
1980s when the fans’ imaginations were more captivating (e.g.,
Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka)

—Ladder/Tables/Tables, Ladders and Chairs
matches: Among my all-time favorites, probably because of
the actual dangers involved. Also, nothing brought the struggling
tag team division back to prominence in the late ’90s and
’00s faster than the series of TLC-based matches between Edge
& Christian, The Dudley Boyz and The Hardy Boyz.

—Elimination Chamber: Done once so far
and could have been done better (see Roach’s comment regarding
War Games), but nevertheless the Elimination Chamber was very
effective at creating a spectacle.

—Boiler Room Brawl: More of a personal
favorite due to my appreciation for Foley than a mainstream
pick

—Buried Alive match: Mankind and Paul
Bearer dig Taker’s grave, only for the Phenom’s hand to pop
out just before the PPV ended … This was the last match
before a huge Undertaker hiatus during the In Your House days.

—30-man Royal Rumble match: I look forward
to this one every year, especially since they added the stipulation
that the winner would get a World title match at WrestleMania.

—First Blood match: Undertaker and Austin
rule in these matches.

—Survivor Series Four-Man Tag Tournament:
An old favorite that was phased out until it was made part
of the Invasion angle in 2001. This was the only time I looked
forward to ANYTHING throughout the Invasion storyline.

—Last Man Standing match: Jericho vs.
HHH was a classic.

—Casket match: Extremely effective at
enhancing The Undertaker’s original gimmick.

The Roach’s Important Additions:
Best

—The Scaffold Match: The Road Warriors/Midnight
Express made these matches.

—Bunkhouse Battle Royal: Think Battle
Royal … in a STEEL CAGE!! Winner gets “$1,000,000.”

—War Games: Something the Elimination
Chamber SHOULD have been.

—-Triple Cage of Doom: 3 cages stacked
on top of each other where you battle your way down to the
bottom…fighting different TEAMS of opponents along the way.
MUCH better than the weak imitation in the David Arquette
flick “Ready To Rumble.”

—Exploding Ring Death Match: The match
that made Cactus Jack a Hardcore legend in Japan.

—Russian Chain/Indian Strap/Bull rope
Match: Opponents are tied together at the wrist with one of
these items and can beat each other with them. Gets brutal
and bloody.

—Dog Collar Match: Attached at the neck
with dog collars and a chain, Roddy Piper and Greg Valentine
had a BRUTAL match at Starcade 1983.

—Three-Way Dance: an elimination match
between 3 wrestlers where alliances can be made and broken.
ECW turned it into an art form.

—WCW World War III: 3 rings, 60-wrestler
battle royal. 20 men in each ring, when they got down to 10
they would move to the next ring and so on until there was
only 1.

—Original WCW Battle Bowl: A “lethal
lottery” would create teams at random that would fight in
tag matches and he winners would go on to a 2 ring battle
royal where you had to be eliminated from BOTH rings until
there was 1 guy in each ring and they would battle to a finish.
AWESOME.

—Ultimate Submission: The most submissions
in the designated time wins. Angle vs. Benoit at Backlash
a few years ago was incredible.

—The ORIGINAL Survivor Series: Teams
of 5 on 5. The first Survivor Series had four matches that
broke down into title brackets: 5 Heavyweights vs. 5 Heavyweights
(including the current champ); 5 IC contenders vs. 5 IC contenders
(including the current champ); 5 women vs. 5 women (including
the current champ); and most impressive of all: 5 TAG TEAMS
vs. 5 TAG TEAMS (including the current champs)!

—WWF Wrestling Classic: A 22-man one-night
tourney where you could get hundreds of possible match-ups.
Roach’s favorite: Randy Savage vs. The Dynamite Kid.

Pro Wrestling’s Worst Gimmick
Matches

—Brawl-For-All Tournament: Bart Gunn
of all people won this crap.

—King of the Ring Tournament, any of
them minus Austin’s big breakthrough

—Anything on a pole match: The worst
example of this was during the McMahon-HHH Era, when Trips
and Steph forced The Rock and Mankind to compete in the Pink
Slip on a Pole match.

—Gravy/Anything in a Bowl match: Sorry,
ladies (and Harvey Wippleman).

—Kiss My Ass match: Rock vs. Billy Gunn
= AWFUL

—Shave/Clip anything off match: With
the exception of Angle vs. Edge, I just never found this type
of match to be amusing or important.

—Triple Threat/Fatal Fourway matches:
The worst example of this: WrestleMania 2000, when Triple
H fought against The Big Show, Mankind and The Rock with a
McMahon in every corner.

—Guest Referee match: I call this one
Vince ex machina.

—Empty Arena match: Done during halftime
of The Super Bowl: Rock vs. Mankind for the WWF Championship.
In my opinion, when you take away the intensity of a pro wrestling
audience, you are taking away one of the most integral parts
of the product. The volatility of the live crowd is one reason
why wrestling is engaging to so many of us.

—”I Quit” match: Too campy for my taste.
(Mankind vs. Rock ending must’ve ruined it for me)

—Falls Count Anywhere match: Isn’t this
merely a Hardcore match with a fancier title?

—Any match involving the WWF Hardcore
24/7 Rule … With the exception of Crash Holly’s hilarious
run through airports and food establishments, of course.

—Lion’s Den match: I always hated Shamrock.

—Dog Kennel match: Al Snow vs. Big Boss
Man … Ugh.

The Roach’s Important Additions:
Worst

—Blacktop/Trailer Match: A fight in
the back of a moving trailer. WCW Uncensored —Diaper Match:
Loser gets a diaper put on him.

—House of Horrors Match: GIANT cage
match with 2 teams fight until someone gets put in an “electric
chair” and is “electrocuted.”

—Mixed Tag Matches: The Roach just doesn’t
like them. —Lights out: An overrated brawl that was supposed
to be “unsanctioned.”

If any of your personal favorites have
not been covered, you can email me at chris411wrestling@yahoo.com
with your own opinions and lists. I do look forward to reading
your thoughts, so feel free to write as much or as little
as you like.

That’s all for now … PEACE.

-
Chris

In addition to his weekly ramblings with
moodspins, Chris Biscuiti is also a regular pro wrestling
columnist with 411Mania.

Last 5 posts by Chris Biscuiti

• News Analysis: This is Not a Wrestling Story - June 26th, 2007
• Rime of the Super Mario - April 5th, 2005
• A Secret Crept - March 29th, 2005
• To Be A Protagonist - March 21st, 2005
• The Phone Number Attached - March 15th, 2005